Can I just tell social services I cannot care for my elderly mum as she is too controlling, abusive, manipulative and making me ill?

You have my understanding and compassion. Your mother sounds like my husband has been over the last 5 to 6 years, and it was getting worse. He has multiple health issues, one of which is frontal cortical lobe dementia, and one is PSP. He has recently been placed on dopamine, which has completely reversed the difficulties you describe. AMAZING., The relief to me is like Heaven sent. He still cannot walk or care for himself, but his outward personality is the dear man I loved and married. Please discuss with your Mom's physician, and record both audio and visual what behavior your mother presents. Dr's don't pay attention to any journals I've kept, they merely evaluate the person in front of them, so you need to show them and let them hear for themselves as if they were there. Here's a bit of humor that also explains more about what you have said. I made my husband's favorite spaghetti sauce and had the noodles done nice and soft the way he likes them. I serve him on a table over his lap with adult bibs and an extra towel on spaghetti nights. He looked at the plate and said 'This is NOT spaghetti. I can't eat this. It's NOT spaghetti." I assured him it was, but he would not eat it. I offered to make him a different supper, did so, and then when sauce in kettle was cool, bagged it and froze it. Two weeks later, thawed sauce, heated in kettle, no change to it, cooked spaghetti and served him the supper. He looked up at me and said "I think this is the best spaghetti sauce you've ever made". I then realized he was not in control, and best to roll with things. I now 'run a restaurant in our home' that is open 24/7/365. Sometimes I'll do up a white board to show what all can be requested from everything I have on hand that I can make. I put $1.50 Daily Specials at the top, and everyone laughs. Please don't go without checking with the doctor to see what can be given to your mother to make her at peace. It is so nice when that change occurs. God bless you! Kath