Sometimes Mom is very rational (she can put on one heck of a normal and happy act for the staff at AL, they have no idea how awful she is with family) She gives AL very little trouble except to shut down and refuse any help when offered and she pretty much keeps to her room most of the time. But for my sister and me, she is a real problem. She has always been negative, complaining, stubborn, self centered and used her "little girl victim" role to get what she wants. Yes, she has dementia and memory loss which is getting worse and worse, but her constant phone calls and complaints, refusal to cooperate, and now getting nasty is going to force us to move her (after only a month in AL) to somewhere where she will be more unhappy and difficult. Maybe this is a stupid question: can you say anything to a dementia patient that will shock them into at least trying? (when you know they are capable, just plain disagreeable and refuse to accept their age and limitations and have always been that way) If we sat Mom down and explained she has severe dementia and doesn't realize what she does and how confused she often is, and how she doesn't remember anything after a few minutes and if she doesn't at least try to help herself and cooperate she will be kicked out of AL like she just was in IL- would it have any impact? Would a scare tactic work when nothing else has? yes, she needs meds - her doctor appt is in 5 days - I am praying he gives her something!