What is the best way to break this news to my mother. How does one handle a dementia mother at the funeral? Should she go to the funeral? Is the too traumatic for her? I truly don't know what to do.
I guess it depends on her level of dementia. Is she able to process and remember this information? Would you have to remind her each day of hid death? Is it difficult for her to deal with lots of people at a funeral?
My guess is that if you have doubts about any of the above issues it may be better for all concerned for her to skip the funeral. You may or may not even want to tell her of the death depending on her mental ability. I also worry about my Dad if my Mom were to die. I would probably have to keep reminding him by the hour that she is gone. It's tough. Good luck to you.
I think it depends on how far mom is in her dementia diagnosis. Does she recognize everyone, can she hold a conversation with people, is she mobile, did she know your brother was sick? If it is early on in her diagnosis i may take her. I would tell her now and see how she handles it. This is a decision only you can make. If you are the one who spends the most time with mom and you don't think it is a good idea that she go to the funeral then let her stay home. If you think it will be too upsetting for her then in my opinion, it is really not worth it for her to go. My condolences to you and your family at this most difficult time.
What will happen if you don't tell her? Will she need some reason why he does not visit or is she beyond that? Will you have to tell her about it every day because she will have only a vague recollection that something very bad happened? If those answers favor telling her, then by all means she should have the option to attend the funeral, with as much physical and emotional support available that you can arrange.
I told my mom when my dad died and we took her in a wheelchair van, and not everything was "perfect" about it, but - it was the right call for us.
And, God bless YOU, because you have lost a brother, and still have to provide for Mom instead of really having time and energy to just grieve your brother...hugs.
Based on your last comment, I don't see the benefit to telling your mom your brother has passed away. If she's only seen him twice in the past couple of years and he couldn't communicate, then he hasn't been a regular part of her life for some time. If she asks about him, you can give her some vague, comforting answer about where he is and then distract her.
Hugs to you - as VStefans said, you've just lost a brother but still have to focus your energy on mom and how she's doing instead of grieving your own loss. I'm so sorry you have to figure this all out. Whatever you do will be OK - there's no right or wrong answer for a question like this.
My brother had ALS. He hads been in a home for 2.5 years. He had been unable to communicate during that time.
We took my mom to see my brother 2 times while he was in the facility. It was hard on her both times and she talked about him for a couple of months afterwards and continued to ask if he'll have to be in the hospital yet. We could tell her about the disease and she didn't understand how he got it. She would cry about him.
I don't know how she would handle it. I'm still not certain what to do.
My guess is that if you have doubts about any of the above issues it may be better for all concerned for her to skip the funeral. You may or may not even want to tell her of the death depending on her mental ability. I also worry about my Dad if my Mom were to die. I would probably have to keep reminding him by the hour that she is gone. It's tough. Good luck to you.
I told my mom when my dad died and we took her in a wheelchair van, and not everything was "perfect" about it, but - it was the right call for us.
And, God bless YOU, because you have lost a brother, and still have to provide for Mom instead of really having time and energy to just grieve your brother...hugs.
Hugs to you - as VStefans said, you've just lost a brother but still have to focus your energy on mom and how she's doing instead of grieving your own loss. I'm so sorry you have to figure this all out. Whatever you do will be OK - there's no right or wrong answer for a question like this.
We took my mom to see my brother 2 times while he was in the facility. It was hard on her both times and she talked about him for a couple of months afterwards and continued to ask if he'll have to be in the hospital yet. We could tell her about the disease and she didn't understand how he got it. She would cry about him.
I don't know how she would handle it. I'm still not certain what to do.