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okay so i have "cared" for my perfectly capable mother for a year and two months. I am done with her verbal and sometimes physical abuse. My life has been put on hold and my young daughters life is drastically altered as a result. I am leaving in March of next year (4 months) My question is, how do I tell her? I cannot give her any sort of notice until I have everything sorted out and set up or I will be homeless. So how should I tell her? She will be angry and possibly throw me out instantly. I cannot ask my only sister for help, she reports everything I say directly to Mom.

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She demands money of you? Just say no.

Please figure out how to move out and re-establish yourself as an independent person.
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thank you, that actually helps me alot. She has always been abusive and turns any problems I have back on me as if I am being too sensitive or making too much of nothing. I do have a plan and am avidly working towards it. It's hard because she keeps demanding more and more money. I have to lie to her constantly or I will have no money and no resources for daily needs let alone leaving.
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I agree, if she can drive, she does not need caring. Go as soon as you can.
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Debra, if your mother is capable of driving, she is capable of taking care of herself. You go out and find someplace NOW for you and your daughter to live. I would just leave Mom a note on the table that you had moved out. No one should have to live in the nightmarish situation.
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It sounds as though she is mentally ill. Has she always behaved in erratic and unpredictable ways? How do you come to live with her? What is your plan for leaving?
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correct, she has thrown things at me, cursed my child directly, bad mouths me to other relatives, has driven my animals out to various locations and abandoned them, has grabbed me by the sides of my face and screamed at me, and listens to me when I am on my phone or in my room
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So, if she is perfectly capable, there should be no problem simply informing her the morning you are leaving. Are you worried that she actually needs care?

If that is the case, call your local area agency on aging and ask for a " needs assessment".

It sounds as though you are afraid of your mom.
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