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My MIL (alzheimers) is twice my size and there is no way I can lift her if she doesn't cooperate. For the past three mornings she will sit on the edge of the bed and refuse to get up. She says "I can't and you can't make me." She sits in pee saturated depends (I put 3 on her every night) on the edge of the bed and acts like she doesn't remember that she can stand up. It requires lots of psychological tricks etc to eventually get her to stand up and this one task can last an hour or more. Once I get her up, she walks. Any advice on getting her out of bed?

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"Of course I can't make you, Mom. I wouldn't even try. You can sit here as long as you want to. When you are ready for me to help get you dry, just let me know. I'll be around the house emptying the waste baskets. Just call me."

The "you can't make me" sounds like a contest of wills. Let her win.

Many (most?) dementia patients reach a point where it is not feasible for them to be cared for at home. I wonder if MIL is at that point now?
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Some times there is a difference between can not and wont. Something happened to me several years ago. I was in such pain and the Doctor I see was not sure so I went to the hospital for tests, nothing came up. i had a lot of trouble standing from sitting, climbing stairs, climbing up on the examining table , putting on clothing ,etc. I would think about doing the thing I wanted to do and nothing I could not do what I wanted.The pain finally dissipated but making myself do the things I needed to do took a very long time. I cannot skip but have been able to do things like jumping jacks no bouncing bit stepping left and right as I swing my arms up and touch hands, reach my back to wash, use step stools. Some times it is fear that keeps persons from doing or it is a glitch in the movement of thoughts from mind to body.Good luck and keep encouraging your mother to try and move even if she is afraid.What has her doctor said about this and have they been able to give any suggestions?
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Maybe some old-time dance music would help?
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If she is too large for you to handle, you need help! The dementia mind will not get the right signals to the muscles in order to walk. Do not "blame" her for not thinking she cannot walk. Just be as patient as you can, let her sit there for as long as she wants to, and then keep trying. When she becomes too much for you, it will be time to put her in a memory care facility. Merry Christmas!
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My mom doesn't walk at all now and I know how difficult it is to get them out of bed. What I do is lay her back down as I know she is wet and go ahead and change her depends. If she has any pain medication, go ahead and give it to her. Other than that, if she can walk, I would go fix the coffee or whatever and let her decide when she is ready to get up. If she is like my mom, she won't want to lay there for long, especially if I am not there trying to convince her. Let it be her idea and at least she is dry and not laying in wet.
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Simply pain can keep someone from walking or even standing, even the slightest amount of pain, which is common in the morning. Something to consider.
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Every circumstances different and how you gain their cooperation is often based upon referring to something that is important to them.

When my mom was determined to do something, she would. It was a different story when I ASKED or REQUESTED that she do the very same thing.

What worked for us was the following, "Mom, I know you ONLY want me to do this for, but I can't do it without your help. If you don't help me, I'm going to have to call someone to come in to help me get this done." In my moms case, she NEVER wanted strangers in the house, or assisting in her care, so this would usually garner her cooperation.
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Mom can be stubborn, but if I put on a Michael Buble DVD, she makes tracks to the living room. The smell of fresh cookies baking improves her outlook, so does a simmering pot of meatballs and sauce. For my Nana, I would put on Luciano Pavarotti and she would sing along.
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If you want to keep taking care of your MIL, and not put her into a facility, I'd be sure to have a walker in front of her when you're trying to get her to stand. Let her hold on to the sides of the walker. Or get a gait belt and help pull her up. Because of the way gait belts work, even though you're smaller, they work because of the leverage you have. But have someone who knows what they're doing show you how to use it or google "how to use a gait belt" and you'll see some YouTube videos on the topic. With either idea, I'd be talking very calmly to her in a soothing, reassuring way, telling her that she can do it and you're there to make sure she's OK.
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Has it only been the past 3 mornings? Are there any other times she refuses to walk or is it only first thing in the am when she wakes up?
Thanks.
Deanna
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In her past was there ever a time she could not walk because of a car accident or a bad illness? You said you have used some methods to get her to stand up. Could you share some of what you have tried? Can you think of times she walks each day without any prompting and if so what is she up doing during these times? By having a better idea of when behavior occurs, how often as well as when it does not occur may help me help you come up with more tools to add to your tool belt. Thank you.
Deanna
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I wonder if she's afraid to stand up. Sometimes my mother-in-law with Alz. suddenly gets afraid to take one step off our porch. She says she's 'chicken' for some reason, and I think she suddenly is afraid she's going to fall. Even though she's got hold of a handle we mounted outside our front door just for her, and one of us have her other arm. It's so strange how a persons brain works, or should I say doesn't work, when they get this disease. But if your mother-in-law will eventually stand up, then maybe dangling the proverbial carrot in front of her will do the trick. Is there something she loves to eat perhaps that you can literally put in front of her for incentive to get her to stand up? Maybe positive reinforcement will do the trick. Who knows?
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Oh, my you need to talk to the MD about placing her in a memory care facility. They can deploy two or three staff if that is what is needed. You are in a no win situation and need help.
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