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My mom who has dementia insists that where she lives now, and has lived for quite a while, is NOT her home and that she insists on being taken home. The home she speaks of is her childhood home...(she`s now 89.) At times, she will insist that dad is NOT her husband and that she just met him....(they have been together for 49 years) Nothing that I say when I try to reason with her seems to work or sooth her. Does anybody have any ideas on how to handle this, or the best things to say to mom to try to let her know that she is just a bit confused?

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I'm sorry to say that this is typical behavior for Alzheimer's disease and some other dementias. Painful as it is, you need to accept that you can't "convince" her because her reality is different now. The best you can do is be patient, comfort her and try to distract her when she wants to go home. Don't be afraid to use "therapeutic fibbing." You can say, "We'll get your there, soon, Mom." Then distract her. If she says your dad isn't her husband you can ask who she thinks he is. Then you could say, "Well, you may be right." Then move on.

I'm not saying this is easy, but it is the reality you are coping with now.
Try to take care of yourself, too.
Carol
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That wanting to go home thing is very challenging! As Carol says it is easiest on both of you to accept her reality and say comforting things.

When my husband wanted to "go home" early in his dementia I tried very hard to convince him he was at home. I'd point out various items, "Remember when found this in the antique mart? And you gave this to me for our 20 anniversary," etc. This only upset him. As I learned more I changed my tactics. I saw him at the door to the garage, with a littled packed bag in his hand. "Where are you going, honey?" "I'm getting the bus to go home. I'm so tired." I looked at the kitchen clock. "Oh, I'm so sorry. There are no more buses tonight. You look very tired. How about if I get the wheelchair and take you to a very nice place to sleep?" He was thrilled to get to a bedroom "just like mine at home!"

I wouldn't try to convince Mom that she is confused. If she is still living with her parents in her mind, then obviously she can't be married to this old man! You must be the one confused! You could say something like "He is a very good friend, and he always keeps you safe and looks out for you. Shall we bake a batch of cookies and share some with him?" As Carol says, say something comforting and then change the subject or start a new activity.

I know that this is not only frustrating, but heart-breaking. You can't cure it, but the good news is you can help Mom stay calm and feel loved.
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Carol, Thank you so much for responding to my question. Getting some coaching from an expert such as yourself really gave me comfort. I will certainly put your advise to use. Thanx again.
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