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The guilt is overwhelming some days. My dad passed away 21 years ago. My mom was very spoiled by dad. I break my back trying to make her happy, but to no avail.
One day I'm like I don't care where she goes, then the next I don't know which will kill me 1st. Keeping her here or moving her to assisted living. I get almost 0 help from siblings. I'm on disability for depression and anxiety. I have 2 of my children not speaking to me and refusing me to see my grand babies. Put all of it together and most days I do nothing but what I must to take care if mom. My mom is on a limited income so it will take her entire check every month to pay for assisted living. That's with financial help from different programs. Most of the assisted living places that accept the financial help have a 1.5 year waiting list. I'm not going to last that long. My depression is so bad. I do not enjoy anything that used to interest me.
I don't want to be selfish but I truly believe Mom would be as happy as possible in assisted living. She has lived with my sisters my aunt and 2 husbands in the last 21 years. 1 passed awsy , the other was a divorce. As far as the rest of the living situations, well mom just isn't happy anywhere. The only assisted living home that has no waiting list is a new one that is about 30 minutes away. I feel so guilty. Yet I at times feel like I have no life left to live. She is only happy here when I get up clean all day and never leave to go anywhere. She has pseudo dementia caused by several factors. I just wanted some help but now its to the point, as horrible as it makes me feel, that I want to move her to assisted living asap. But I'm afraid to move her someplace I can't just drop in on her. Any advice on any of the above would be so greatly appreciated. Also I have a brother who takes such advantage of her. He will take her last penny and never blink an eye. But I am the one that gets told to shut up whenever I try to talk to her about it. Thank you for letting me ask and vent.

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You must take care of yourself. As long as Mom is safe and well care for...you are doing what is right; visit and be the happy, healthy daughter. Good luck!
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From your description, you can't please her whatever you do so you might as well please yourself. It will be a weight off your shoulders and I'm sure you're right that she will be much better off - a whole new audience to complain to, a whole new workforce to choreograph.

The energy that's been sucked out of you for all this time will come back, once you've had a chance to lie down and hear yourself think for a while. In fact, I congratulate you on recognising in time that you can't continue. Best of luck to you, I hope you find a good solution fast.
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Something has to change. You will be no good to yourself or to your mother if you have a nervous breakdown and YOU wind up in a care center.

See if there are any Adult Day Health Programs in your area. My husband went 2 or 3 days a week. A van picked him up and returned him home. He had lunch there.

I also suggest contacting your county Human Services department and asking for a needs assessment. They can help identify programs Mom might be eligible for.
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Thank you Kathy for your response. That is some very helpful advice. I dont know what respite care is. Or how it is psid fir, but i will do some investigating and find out. Again thank you. Its just hard. I have a huge conscience that is too powerful sometimes. Lol.
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There is Respite Care at most assisted living care facilities. You might want to try that. The facility has a room with furniture and all and assigns someone to help your Mom remember where to go for meals and the times. Most places will take 1 week. Tell your Mom that you are going out of town or whatever makes sense to you. (It does not have to be the truth). You need a break. Also there are facilities that have a day program. Like my friend takes her husband two days a week at 9am and picks him up at 4:30. She can then runs her errands, have appts. or have time for herself.
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