She gets fixated on thoughts and will not let go of them, we are worried that telling her about my brother will on aggravate her constantly.
Any advice?

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This is a hard one... depends on what your brother was admitted for... if it's minor, and he will get to go home eventually, then my choice would be no, don't tell her... it will cause her undo anxiety...

If it is life threatening, and you do not expect him to recover... I would at least take her to visit... depending how far advanced her dementia is... if she will not remember, then again... my answer would be no...

We are thinking with the brain that is not diseased... of course we would want our mom to go see him.... but if it is going to cause her more upset in the long run, I would have to pass on putting her thru that....

I do not envy the situation you are in.... sending you hugs and prayers to find the answer that is most loving for your mom..
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Unless your brother is normally a frequent visitor, to the extent of being part of your mother's everyday environment, and you therefore need to explain why he hasn't been to see her, I wouldn't tell her that he's in hospital. If, God willing, he is likely to leave hospital soon, there shouldn't be any need to tell her at all. What possible good would it do?

If she is asking for him, what you tell her will depend on how advanced her dementia is. Be prepared to have the conversation continually, indefinitely.

The only other scenario in which I can imagine its later being necessary to tell her is in the event that your brother is gravely ill and wishes to see her; in which case you would need to weigh his wishes against your mother's emotional welfare. Even then I'd give her welfare priority.

I hope it's appropriate to offer my best wishes to your brother for a full and speedy return to health.
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