Follow
Share

My mom has dementia and bi-polar. Her behaviioral health team has told me I have to get my mom in assisted living and apply for gaurdianship. If I dont then they will have the state intervene for custody. She is very resitant and hostile. I am feeling very overwhelmed an stressed about talking to her about these things. Any suggesitons on how to talk to her would be greatly appreciated.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Because she has a dementia diagnosis she will react with anger and hostility. Being bipolar might also cause her anxiety if she is not continuing with her meds for bipolar. However, you have to decide if you can handle her reactions or if you would prefer the state step in. Only you can decide that. It sounds like you are not comfortable with dealing with her, so let the state step in. She can get angry at THEM. Best wishes.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I believe the fees for guardianship depend on the area you live in and the lawyer you choose. It is not a very long process but it does involve getting dr/hosp/etc. records. Dr must sign off. You do have to have a lawyer. If Mom's medical team is recommending this you are sure to get them to sign off on the paper work and if need be - testify in court. In the meantime have your lawyer draw up papers making you the "Durable and Mental Health Care Power of Attornery". Yes, Mom will have to sign off on it but it is in both your and her best interest. As for telling her - she will probably not like it very much but she does not have to like it. My Mom too has dementia and is bi-polar. We went through the same thing. She was very unhappy with us but she eventually got over it all an understood why we had to do it. Good Luck and I will be thinking of you in this process.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I would tell her how much you love her and/but if she should have a stroke and cannot speak for herself, wouldnt she want you to speak for her? Also I would get a DPOA-H instead. Good luck
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Add: Try to put it in a way thst helps her feel she still has some control...you need someone, but you get to pick who.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I explain things to my mom, who has dementia, in a way she can process and understand. If I were in this situation with my mom, this is how I would present it to her: "Your doctors are telling me that you need someone to help you. They've given us a couple of choices. If you sign a paper that says I can help you, then we're all done. If you don't want to do that, the state will bein charge of you." Simple, need to know basis.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

When I talked to an elder law attorney, I was advised that if I could get my mom to sign medical and financial power's of attorney, it would be much better than applying for guardianship. Once you get the state involved in the guardianship process, they have the right to come in and control everything, plus you have to be re-evaluated every year. The state does have the option of not allowing you to be the guardian and appointing someone of their choosing.
We took mom to the attorney with us and he asked her questions about if she wanted us to take care of her and pay her bills for her. As long as the attorney is convinced that she understands that you are going to take care of her and do what's best for her, you should be able to do this and save a lot of money and headache.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Whoa! Did anyone tell you what guardianship costs? You need a lawyer, you petition the court and it's a long involved process. Estimate $5-7K in legal fees and court costs. You will be fingerprinted and background checked. All family members must agree and sign off that you are OK to be Guardian. You will be asked how well you two get along; you have indicated it is difficult. You have to send detailed financial reports to the Surrogate's Court. You have to attend all case reviews. On the other hand, if the state takes over, you have no cost, no reports, and no ongoing battle with her. Your choice.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

If circumstances have reached the point where guardianship is necessary, is your mother really able to understand this process? Why tell her anything? Is there any point, really, in trying to discuss concepts and/or long-range plans with a dementia patient?

Sadly, the burden now is on you. Probably it's best to use your inner and outer resources to stay strong and get the job done without troubling your mother unless she has to participate in some way. And then keep it light, simple and non-threatening.

Good luck and God bless.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I just went through a hairy legal process where the resistance came from relatives and less so from my mom but it was stressful! It depends on how much she can understand at this point but I would tell her you will continue taking care of her and protecting her as you have. Firm and gentle. A geriatric case manager or social worker may help with this.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.