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She recently lost her three closest friends and neighbors, all within the last 12 months and hasn't gotten over it (who would). Another old neighborhood friend (who moved away) just passed away over the weekend. She hasn't asked about this friend or seen her in a few year (sometimes the small blessings of dementia). She's getting ready to start radiation for breast cancer and I'm afraid if I tell her, she'll really just give up. What would you do? The service is tomorrow.

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Irony! Had to post this update! The old neighbor that passed away died because she had breast cancer. After her surgery, she opted for no treatment, was doing fine for about 6 months until a month ago when it returned with a vengence, spread quickly and she succumbed. I have no other details. Could have been a different type than Moms. Moms prognosis is very good with treatment. We have our first radiation appontment today.
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my husbands nephew was diagnosed with cancer from the brain on down, given a few months to live, he is 63, I did tell my husband (82 AD) and when I was all done he didn't even remember who I was talking about. I will pass the next time something else devastating happens in his family. it is way too much information for the to process,
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Thanks All! You are the best!
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No.
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I agree with everyone. If it was someone she did not see on a regular basis it is best not to tell her. I am sure the family will understand.
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Not in this situation yet? but personally I dont see the point in telling her my mums brother is not well we have decided not to tell my mum as ive heard of dementia patients can spiral very quickly when faced with this. She has enough on her plate with her health.
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If she doesn't ask, don't tell. If she asks, don't tell. I see no reason what so ever to tell her another friend has died. I'm with purple, send a condolence card to the family and leave it at that.
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What would be the point of telling her, other than she'd be able to attend the funeral? If it would do more harm than good in the longrun, then I wouldn't say anything to her. I would send the family a card/flowers/whatever and explain to them why your mom will not be attending the services and why you have chosen not to inform her of the death that way they will understand the circumstances. If she brings up this friend in the future, have a backup plan...change the subject, tell her she's not home, etc. etc.
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Do what you feel is the best and right for you, you know best.
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Even with Mom's dementia, she does this "recitation of the lost friends and family," a few times a week. It's heartbreaking. I almost wish her memory for this subject wasn't so good. We had a great aunt that lived with us and she lived to 96. As the youngest of her siblings, she outlived everyone. She was quite sharp even at that age, and she used to say it was no blessing to live so long that you outlive your loved ones.
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I faced a similar situation. My mother's sister has been diagnosed with bowel and liver cancer and her sister just diagnosed with alzheimers. I struggled with it and felt it was her right to know once, I told her she was shocked but really did not get the total implication of it all and then forgot it. She was told once and that is that.
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We are struggling with a similar situation and have decided to not share with Mom. Even though our Mom has dementia, too, we know the news of her old friend's death would be hard for her.
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