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I know it's terrible but my Mother is afraid of Black women being mean to her..I KNOW that there are some wonderful caring women out there...but the dementia makes my mother paranoid...Should I tell the Home Health people or would that make them be mean to her?

Last Thursday, they sent out a Black lady that pounded on the door and my mother panicked and went to her room...somehow in the process she fell and got a concussion...

What would you do? I can't go home every day to let them in.

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Yes!! Always tell an agency anything they may need to know so they don't sent out the wrong caregiver. Race, sex, age, it doesn't matter. It's better if they know.

I used to own a home care business. That was a question we'd actually ask up front: is there anything we need to know before sending out the caregiver? And it often turned out that seniors would ask for no black caregivers, only to end up with one in a pinch, and then they'd love them. Happened all the time. Go figure. Or female clients wouldn't want a male caregiver. Very understandable.

I actually had a client who wanted a caregiver who spoke a certain language. Unfortunately we couldn't fulfill her wishes. It was some off-the-wall language. She wanted to keep using it.


Sharon
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Ok we are not at all a racist family my mum dosnt care about that BUT we had two Nigerian women who were awful lazy and couldnt have given a crap about mum so i told the Agency do not send another one in here as thats my mum and i am worried about her.
The Agency called and apologised One of these women left a broken glass just lying on the kitchen floor? then the other one left the front door open? I am not saying that they are all like this as i know its not a skin colour that makes you a good carer.
The agency will understand this and will try and accomodate your mums needs! This is tricky but if shes afraid then shes afraid so it needs to be addressed!

alot of immigrants came here in the boom and cargiving was an easy job to do as their english wasnt great and there was a huge need here BUT alot of them didnt have a caring bone in thier body!

Can i just point out that both these women are STILL working with old people????? I know scary!
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I almost hope not. I think you get to a point where living another day becomes like finding drugs for an addict. every minute you wonder and wonder.... where, when, how....
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daughterlinda, I wonder if us baby-boomers will live as long as our parents. My parents are 92 and 96. I'd be happy if I make it to 75, only a few more years to do. Stress can age us quickly.
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My dad is the same way. Thank God when we baby-boomers get to be care-recivers age at least one thing we wont have to fight! My biggest fear is that they keep coming up with new ways to treat our physical ailments that we will live in mental la-la land longer than ever our parents....
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To add to my posting earlier, my Mom is so old school that she doesn't like women doctors doesn't matter if the doctor is the same ethic background as my Mother, she feels men doctors are so much smarter.... oh dear, she is now finding herself in front of quite a few women doctors in today's world, and after her appointment she usually says about the doctor "she don't know what she is talking about".

Mom even feels that way about women sports announcers, she will say "what do they know about sports???".

I'm surprised Mom didn't go to only female cashiers at the grocery store, as woman know more about groceries than men ;)
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I hear you. Mom has gotten more and more prejudiced since the dementia. She's "informed" me that under no circumstances will she have blacks for home care. And she's not too crazy about the Filipinos either. Guess what? Too bad. She may get her way for awhile in her home since mom`s paying although since where we live its majority Filipinos who do it esp live in or overnight so she has to deal. As for the blacks she better start loving her some because there are many in the nursing home where eventually she will land.
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That's that one thing that really scares me for the future, when the time comes that my parents [in their 90's] needs someone to come to the house to help.

My Mom doesn't like anyone who isn't of her own ethic group or of her own religion, she's been that way all her life and she learned that from her parents. Dad really doesn't care, but he will go alone with what Mom thinks to avoid an argument.

I know I will need to put my foot down and say if you don't allow the Caregivers, who are trained to help you, into the house then you will go without any help. Mom will expect me to help her and Dad.... it will be difficult but I will have to say "sorry, Mom, but I am too old to do that type of work, you will have to hire someone".
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Agencies will do what they can to accommodate fears and phobias, but you need to tell them in advance what she does not feel comfortable with. Bear in mind that her prejudices may leave her without care some days.
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Yes. Even though it's not politically correct and is an unfounded fear, there is no point in having home care if your mother is afraid of the carers sent out.

People of our parents' generations grew up differently, often with prejudices against other races. I don't think there's any way you can change that now, so just try to work around it even if it is an irrational fear.
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