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Its very sad, the upsetting part is he always is paranoid and thinks we are hiding things from him so when he asked about his folks accusing my husband of knowing something was wrong and not telling him thats why we decided to tell him the truth and he took it so hard that we just don't know what to do if it comes up again. Would love to hear from anyone who might have gone through this problem. Always on edge concerned about the right or the wrong of this whole mess. Excuse it that sounds harsh, but there are days when it just feels that way. then we have the days were were blessed with a peaceful Larry.

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Many, many of us have experienced loved ones with dementia asking about deceased relatives. I think it serves no good purpose to tell them the "truth" -- that just causes anxiety and distress. Better to give believable excuses and then try changing the subject.

When my mother came for a weekend she asked where my dad was. He had died several years earlier but I could see that wasn't what she needed to hear. "He is having a poker weekend with his buddies. And you and I are having a girls' weekend together." When she later asked if she could call him I said, "He wasn't sure which home they'd be at when, but he does have my phone number and he promised to call if he needed anything." Somehow we got through the day. The next day she was relaxed and not anxious, and we even discussed the fact that we were both widows!

I think you need to judge what will be best at the time the question comes up.

And don't worry that you've done the "wrong" thing. Your answer may cause some distress but it isn't going to do permanent damage. Do the best you can, learn from each experience, and move on.
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It sounds like he is very anxious and worried in general. I'd definitely discuss meds with his doctor. Trying to appease him, convince, explain, etc. usually doesn't work, not matter how many times you try or how much you want it to happen. Until my cousin went on meds for depression/anxiety, she would cry and worry a lot. The meds really did help. She was finally able to be content. They didn't make her drowsy either. She is fully alert and doesn't even sleep during the day if put down for a nap. I'd explore the options with his doctor.
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racing thoughts and pacing. The paranoia is another story somedays good others not so much. do appreciate your answering. The episode telling him his parents died 16 years ago was so sad. We were worried that we might have done the wrong thing by telling the truth and yet hoping it would put an end to his thinking we were keeping something from him. It's been 2 days since that and he seems ok. Just read give a hug thank you so much feel if it comes up again we will do the terapeutic fib thing......just hoping it doesn't come up, btw new to forums and not sure I'm doing it right, Shedding light is so helpful thank u again
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Mary, I see from your profile that it is your brother-in-law who has Alzheimer's/Dementia. Therefore I assume it is his parents who had passed and he is wondering why his parents haven't called him.

From what I have read on the forum, it is best not to tell the person who had advanced memory problems that someone has passed, otherwise they will grieve all over again like it was the first time. Best to make up an excuse like his parents were visiting friends, etc.

My Mom [98] went through that stage, asking about her parents and siblings. They had passed years ago, thus I was making "therapeutic fibs" each time Mom asked where they were.
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Better medications, my friend. Get it done.
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