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She's been fighting Cancer for several years. She's been in remission for the last ~4 years or so. Her dementia has been progressing steadily. She gets pissed off everytime she can't find something (which is daily) like her sunglasses or checkbooks and falsely accuses whoever happens to be around at that time. She's fired and called to police on multiple maids, only to find her precious items days after. Now she's starting to accuse me. I think she needs a dose of TRUTH and texted her my mind a few days ago. She left a quiet, soft, and shameful apology the next morning. She lives with her husband that sleeps 90% of the time. I used to go over on the weekends and help her organize her house and occasionally pay some past due bills.
It's become increasingly hard to talk with and help her. I only have so much patience. I feel like: I want to help her (and I enjoy it) but she doesn't want to help herself. At times she thinks she's the only one in this universe. When I go out with her to the grocery store, she complains about waiting in line, as if she was the Queen of England or something, and I tell her, "everyone has to wait in line."
I think at times, individuals need a "knock-out punch of reality" to knock them back in place. Am I right here? I realize were dealing with a mentally sick person here, but also with one that needs to get a grip on herself and stop playing the victim, before she's completely alone.

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If you feel she needs a dose of the truth I agree somewhat, but I certainly don't believe the truth will make her behaviour change. Calmly, rationally discussing with her that she has dementia, that her mind is playing tricks on her, could help her to get her affairs in order. But she has a brain disease that is slowly but surely killing her and destroying her ability to reason.
I agree with FF, educate yourself, this is only the beginning and she needs your support, not your censure.
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A short while later..........sorry
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Flyer is absolutely correct. You have to understand dementia to deal with this. She has lost her ability to reason and to remember. You can chew her out and get an apology but a shorty will later it will all be repeated again. It's very hard to not get mad but remember it's the dementia not your grandmother making willful decisions and judgements.
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No, good heavens do not blame your Grandmother for what she is saying... it's her dementia doing the talking, not her. It would be like telling a blind person that they could see if they got a grip on themselves.

You need to arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can about dementia because from what you had written you don't understand how complex this illness can be. Go up to the blue bar near the top of this page and click on SENIOR LIVING, now click on ALZHEIMER'S CARE, now scroll down the page to all the excellent articles.... start reading, please.
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