Mom has dementia and drives! How do I tell her to stop driving when she gets around so well?

This sounds so familiar. My mother has Alzheimer's and a paranoid personality disorder. Her PCP who happens to be mine as well refuses to report her to DMV (only covering his own ass). I told him she is mentally ill but I really think he doesn't believe it because she is so normal when she comes in to his office. I believe he takes what I say about her as being Alzheimer's related and not mental illness.My mother accuses us of trying to steal her money, place her in a NH,make her think she is crazy, and most recently, accused us of plotting her murder. Finally I was able to get my sister to report her to DMV. She didn't want to do this because DMV won't guarantee confidentiality. I was more than willing to do it 6 months ago but my sister didn't want me to because she is listed first on the POA. and believes she should have authority over me. I am done with that too. I know when DMV notifies my mother all hell with break loose but I don't care.

Go on line and look up DMV in your state. Find the form for unsafe drivers and print it out. Confidentiality is guaranteed to a certain point (meaning that if you are reporting someone out of meanness they won't protect you). ]

I spend very little time with my mother now simply because I have other things to look forward to than dealing with her abuse and I refuse to accept that I am obligated to put up with it just because she is elderly and my mother. I put up with it the first 19 years of my life and I won't put up with it the last years of her life.

I know I sound bitter but when you reach the end of your rope...you are done with people and placating others to keep peace.

hrachief, ask her doctor to double the dose, and then take half yourself. Oh wait, no, please disregard that ... first thing that came to mind.

I'd remove the car from the premisis. The note I'd put on the whiteboard is "Car in shop. Waiting for part."

I'd stop spelling things out for her. She can't remember. What's the point? Please become familiar with the common behaviors of dementia. You will learn that reasoning with someone who has lost the ability to reason is futile. Save your energy for talking about pleasant things, not why she can't drive.

I would definitely not take 20 to 30 phone calls per day from her. If it isn't safe for her to be living where she is without you being at her beck and call, change where she lives so she will be safe. It sounds like she may no longer be OK for independent living.

I think you are going to need to detach a bit, to save your own sanity.

Will it get better? Well, the dementia will definitely get worse, but whether it will be easier or harder to deal with her remains to be seen.

Continue to love her, reassure her, keep her safe. Give up behaviors that take a lot of effort, are frustrating, and accomplish nothing. You won't be able to change her, but changing a few things in your own behavior can improve your experience.

I would get an answering machine if you do not have one-and turn it down low and just check from time to time if someone you want to talk to calls and let the machine deal with the 30 calls a day-if you feel she should not be driving and is not safe to do so -you have to do what is right and stop her however it take taking the keys away-she might be able to get new ones-disabling the car-removing it from where she live-whatever it is better than what may happen-my husbands aunt was allowed to drive-her son lived near her-one day she way shopping and while she was checking out the counter someone stoll her pocketbook that contained her bankbooks and jewlry and money-she was so upset she had a bad accident on the way home -ended up in the hospital and died a few days later.

OK - aphasia, but never lost, never careless? This sounds more like stroke than dementia (dominant hemisphere); either way driving alone is hazardous for her though if she can't verbally communicate. Errors in judgement are behind a lot of accidents at any age.