Follow
Share

In the last month he has fought with the phone company, the a/c company and has gone to the bank and says that they don't want to help him. Example he wanted to cash a check and they told him it had to be deposited first. He got very angry. Went to the atm and said it was broken, it wasn't. He just made a mistake with his password.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Freqflyer makes a good point about new behavior vs.old, however I'm assuming that this level of frustration/anger is new, anyway.

Has he started any new medications? Many medications have side effects that can cause personality changes or aggressive behavior.

Infections can also cause strange behavior. I'd suggest a physical and a good review of medications. If all is well in those areas, he should probably see a neurologist. This type of behavior could be a sign one of several types of dementia.

Good luck with your journey. Please check back when you feel up to it.
Carol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I would advise figuring out a way to look more closely at his finances as soon as possible. My dad handled his finances competently til after my mom passed away, at which time he was 91. When I began noticing he was forgetting to pay bills, losing important papers, having trouble with the ATM, I gradually began to check up on him unobtrusively. But then he became victim of a medical alert service scam, not once, but twice...once giving out his credit card number on the phone to the salesman. I had to fight that out, and cancel his credit card. Next, I took over his income tax when I noticed he was being slow in getting stuff together and I realized he had thrown out 1099's etc. and it was a mess getting it all rounded up. As I worked with the accountant, I realized there were things he hadn't reported in the year before, when I was thinking he was doing it ok on his own...like a tiny pension of my mom's that I didn't know about. Also, he had cheap jackets, tote bags, and calendars arriving that were "free" gifts from various charities that "gave" them to him in exchange for donations.
I'm just saying, those outward signs may be a sign of deeper and more complicated problems with handling finances, and the sooner you dive in and take care of it, the better. Best wishes to you.
I was afraid my dad would be angry, but he soon seemed almost grateful that I was handling something that had gotten too much for him.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

All good advice. While Lizacat29 had a dad that welcomed help, I had parents who both had dementia, and it's very common that they don't recognize any issue in themselves so they believe they are doing OK and suggestions from children may not be welcomed. Start by visiting, and spending time with Dad. If the opportunity comes up you could offer to help (want to go to the grocery store together? Can I pick you up something while I'm there?)

It may take a critical incident until you have the opportunity to step in and help. If possible, a visit to the doctor is a good first step.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This is so similar to my experience with my dad. He was eventually diagnosed with Alzheimer's. But there can be other causes of this type of behavior, such as infections. Start with his GP, to rule anything like that out, and if necessary get a referral to a neuropsychologist who can do an evaluation of his thinking. That is a three hour appointment, but very much worth it in my opinion. If you're wondering if this is a sign of dementia, try to think back to any previous episodes that seemed odd to you. That may indicate a decline that started some time ago but just didn't trigger that uh-oh moment. For us, it was about a year before he began to get really off kilter, when he made reference to a large check he had lost years before (like 15 years before!) It was a very large check and we all knew there was no way he had really lost that check, but we were so convinced of his reliability in these matters, we actually tried to figure things out for him! It turned out that the people involved were all deceased or retired, so we couldn't pin it down, and at some point he just accepted that he had "lost" it and "moved on". It was so strange. A few months after that, he signed a contract that he shouldn't have (door to door salesman). Thank heavens, he phoned me and told me about it, and I was able to get him out of the contract. But he had always had good judgement about things like that, so that was another odd thing. It was several months after that, when he began to hallucinate and have major personality changes, including depression. And almost all of his obsessions, delusions and paranoid thinking have revolved around money, so that "lost" check ended up being the canary in the coal mine, in hindsight. It has been such a rocky ride, especially for my mom. I sure wish we had gotten him in to see the neuropsychologist when he first started showing signs. So good for you, for asking for help on this board! This is a great group of people who can offer so much support. Best of luck to you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

It probably would help if you were made his power of attorney for finances and health care if that is not already done. This can be notarized at his bank and you can be made a signatory on his checking and savings account. This lets you access it monthly to monitor how he is doing. Eventually, you may wish to ask for the checkbook to balance it, then keep it so you can take over paying the bills. When it got to that point for my friends over whom I have power of attorney, I had their mail sent to my address to take care of bills directly and throw away all the appeals and scams they might fall for. It's been smooth sailing from that point in terms of good financial decisions. I am not a family member, but a distant cousin who the wife trusted came to visit them with the POA forms and went through them with them, making me the first power of attorney, she the second and another friend of theirs the third. That friend and I live near them and can back each other up for the needed care. I have cancelled some of their credit cards and their car insurance since they no longer drive and don't have a car--things they would no longer know to do. I am thankful there are no crises now to deal with. Getting rid of all their furniture, dishes, clothing, etc. that they no longer use or need in their memory care apartment is a big enough job. The finance stuff is easy now.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Quilting, is this behavior something new with your Dad or has he been like that forever? It might be time to take over the billing for him, for his own peace of mind and that of the people he has been dealing with.

Why I ask is my boss is always fighting with some utility company or with some bank. That is just his personality as he always thinks he is right, and he is always in a hurry.... [sigh].
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Dad may have dementia. If so it can be impossible to reason with him. He needs to be checked out by his doc and you may need to start planning for his care. What are the details of his situation?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband stood in the middle of a bank in NYC and demanded,'I want all of my money you have in here!' He had his ID and his bank card, but he did ot remember his password.Amazingly, an employee mollified him and gave him $50.00 which calmed him and he came home quiet.
There is no way to "fix" your dad. All you can do is execise your rights as POA and open a small account to which he has access and hide the rest of his money so it is safe for his future needs. I opened an account with $500.00 for him. He had by this time lost his sense of monetary value, so he was happy to hold this bank account to show me he was in control!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Just two things to add to this discussion. First, if you do get into POA's, be aware that banks have gotten lots tougher regulations on this, so often they require their own POA's, even if you have a general one made out. Second, my daughter sent me this article about cognitive decline and financial skills that I found very helpful in understanding the problems faced by my father:
nytimes2015/04/25/your-money/as-cognitivity-slips-financial-skills-are-often-the-first-to-go.html?smprod=nytcore-iphone&smid=nytcore-iphone-share&_r=0
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.