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My twin brother died traumatically and unexpectedly two years ago, around the same time my 73 year old Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She's now at a moderate to severe stage and has forgotten that he's dead. She asked me today to go see him in the dining room of her Memory Care residence, I was shooken up, but we walked over and she pointed to an empty chair. I immediately said "oh we must've missed him, I'll go see him later". She said "yes I know he'd like that"... Now I realize I should've let her talk about him and ask her what they talk about and see what she says. I don't bring him up with her because I don't want to make her sad if she remembers he's died. Any experience with this? I was extremely close to him and she adored him. (we were the only two kids she had) My dad died many years ago. It's been an extremely tough two years but we're finally settled into a nice peace.

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I agree totally with diverting her to another topic. Why cause her pain that she can do nothing about? It's a kindness to let her think he's still around and just not "here right now" if she doesn't remember he died.
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Mom does this all the time. Asks me if I've talked to her mother or dad. I say, "No I haven't talked to them lately, but I'm sure they are doing just fine." There's no point in upsetting mom.
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Oh, I'm with you, either way you want to play it. You'll know what makes her most comfortable. I think it's futile to call her on her delusions...make her sad all over again. Losing a child, even if they're 50, has got to be the most painful sorrow of all. If it's possible to play along, I'd do that. It's a kindness, isn't it?
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