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My mother is full time caregiver for my 87 year old grandma. My mother is 62. My grandma is very stubborn and will not use a walker, and my mom literally holds her up and helps her walk all over the grocery store, and anywhere else they have to go. My mom's back is in constant pain due to having to hold up my grandma. She is in poor shape herself. My mom has become clinically depressed from years of taking care of my grandmother now and complains to me all the time how she is in pain, but my grandma "is too stubborn" and so mom doesn't even try. I keep telling my mom to put her foot down! Make her use one! But mom just lets my grandma do whatever she wants. My mothers depression and complaining (for 5 years now) is taking a toll on me!

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Grandma may have some dementia and trouble with her memory. I have the same fights with my 84 year old mother about using her walker.

It sounds like this is going to kill your mom if she doesn't get some help. Can you look into getting a home health care aid? Is assited living an option? Mom can "Put her foot down" but that only gets you so far. Sometimes action has to be taken that elders don't like but is for their own good.
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Well, depending on how your mom is holding her mom, if her MOM falls, she may go right down with her. On top of her. They could both be gravely injured. If your mom is using a gait belt, she way need help knowing how to use it properly. Google 'proper use of a gait belt YouTube' for videos on proper technique.

Okay, my answer may be different than many hear, but I think you should concentrate your efforts on mom's technique with the gait belt rather than nagging her to put gram on a wheelchair.

Her mom. Her decision. If gram falls and breaks a hip, there's at least a 50% chance she will die within a year. It took mom nine months. It is such a devastating assault on the body, they aren't even sure why, that it is a deadly injury on someone gram's age. I think gram is actually safer on a gait belt.

In a perfect world, it would be ideal if a physical therapist could meet with both of them to assess gram. If there SHOULD be a switch to a walker, let the PT recommend it. Perhaps you could compromise with mom and convince her to ask gram's doc for a prescription for same. A PT's expertise really could make your mom's life MUCH easier.

I wish you well. AND I compliment you for realizing that one person should not sacrifice themselves in order to care for someone else.
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I know it is very difficult for your mother to say to your grandmother "sorry, I can't do that anymore", because your grandmother still views your mother as a young woman, not a senior citizen herself.

And so many of our elders don't want to use canes or walkers, good heavens someone might think they were old. My Mom didn't want my Dad to use his rolling walker to go to the mailbox, but Dad refused to listen to her, he loved that walker :) No more falls on the driveway.

And there is no need for your grandmother to go along to the grocery story. I finally had to stop bringing my own parents [who are in their 90's] to the grocery store and big box stores.... it was just too much for me.

For groceries I now use an on-line service where I do my grocery shopping and my parents grocery shopping from my own home, comfortably nestled in my office chair. Then the next day the order is ready for pickup or for home delivery. What a life saver that was for me. Otherwise my Mom would have me going every other day to get this or that. That had to stop.
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When someone is depressed it is hard for them to care for others. Suggest she have physical therapy. Usually people respond to others better that family. Also if your Mother will not ask the doctor. You go to the doctor with them or meet them there. If your Mother will not make the appt. You make it and let her know when it is. It sounds like they both need some help.
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