She has gradually progressing dementia, and I count myself lucky that she's not hostile or really that difficult. But she can barely hear, or actually it's never clear whether she can hear but can't understand. I have to literally shout at her, loudly enunciating every. word. Eventually she seems to understand, but then 3 minutes later she's forgotten, and we have to go the whole routine again. I'm sure my shouting can be heard in the other exam rooms!
She's in very good health for being 92 with dementia, but she does occasionally need medical or dental care. Ethical doctors and dentists try to communicate directly with her, but it's just impossible - I try to explain that she cannot hear nor can she understand much of what's going on, so please just can you talk to me directly so we can get a move on and get out of there as quickly as possible.
I've asked a few providers if I can just come in without her, and of course that's not possible - I get it. But it's terrible, and having her there adds zero value to anything. The ride there, walking into the building, checking in at the front desk, the visit, and the ride back to her ALF is filled with What are we Doing, What is Going ON, I'm so Confused, Where are we Going.
So my questions of this helpful group are:
1. How do you deal with the every-3-minute repeated question of where are we going/what are we doing etc.?
2. How do you deal with the deafness+lack of comprehension = need to bellow?
3. How do you deal with health care provider visits in which the provider cannot effectively communicate with her?
I realize things could be much, much worse, but these visits wreck me for a day or so afterward. I don't have much emotional fortitude, I guess (I take after her that way).
Any ideas, tricks, tips, or thoughts from this wonderful hive mind will be much appreciated!
Toothache/bleeding gums/tooth loss - yes. Regular dental cleaning and check up - no.
Problematic pain, fever or some other alarming new symptom - yes. Pretty much anything else - not gonna happen.
Ask if there is any way to access a visiting nurse for simple, regular wellness checks.
Have you tried anything like the pocket talker for her hearing?
https://www.agingcare.com/products/pocketalker-amplifier-434674.htm
Do you sometimes forget things?=No Never
Do you wear glasses? =No...bifocals hanging around her neck
What year is it? =2007
Where do you live? = In Arizona..Florida is the answer
Who is the President = No response
And more, it was making me very nervous to sit there for 11/2 hours and keep my mouth shut. She just sits there and stares out into space.
Well, anyway we have an appointment with an Imaging service next week to do
an MRI and other testing.
So far the doctors are sharing everything regarding her husband and her with my brother and I, this certainly helps.
I am following this as I need some direction too!
Communicating with people who are deaf is hard.* Communicating with people who have dementia is hard. Communicating with lay people on medical details is hard. The ethics of informed consent are hard. Repetitive questioning is incredibly hard on the nervous system (yours!).
So all in all...
1. Simple answers. "We are going to the doctor's office." Resist the urge to elaborate. Remember that your mother doesn't know she is repeating the question. For her, every time she asks is the first time. She won't think you're talking parrot-fashion.
2. Write it down, clear writing in an appointment's diary that you keep in your purse. Also 1. - simple spoken answers, and follow the rules for speaking to people who lip read/are hard of hearing - full face, wait until they're looking at you, speak at normal pace and without distorting the sounds.
3. Consider saying nothing until your mother refers the practitioner to you, or until the practitioner asks you for supplementary information. Vets and paediatricians have to manage; geriatricians and other physicians with large ratios of very elderly patients are only in the same boat as them.
* oh boy I'll get jumped on for this! I do not mean that deafness is the problem - I was thinking of deafness in older people who often do not realise they are hard of hearing and insist that you are mumbling.
I really think the problem is she has both deafness and dementia, and they combine to make it exceedingly difficult to communicate with her. I make sure her hearing aids are not clogged. But when she says "WHAT?" it's difficult to tell if she didn't hear me or did hear, but didn't understand. So I end up shouting AND enunciating, and eventually she comprehends. For about 3 minutes. I'm liking the idea of flash cards a lot.
What are we doing? => Going to the doctor.
Why? => Skin exam. (Or whatever)
Etc.
Totally agree about simple answers. Figured that one out pretty quickly! Lol.
Thank you!