Follow
Share

Mom has been in a retirement home for about 3 months and keeps begging to go back to her previous home for an overnight stay. For her safety we had to make a decision to move her into a retirement community. I am just not healthy enough to take care of her and my husband will not tolerate me losing my own health to care for her. She constantly puts the guilt trip on me which is still affecting my emotional health. I am afraid that a visit back to her house will make things worse and she might refuse to leave. She claims she won't, but I am so torn between what life to lead now. Anyone had any situation like this?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I CALL THIS THE GERIATRIC MANTRA;;; GO HOME GO HOM GO HOME. Do not listen. You think it may help, but it won't YOu have to doit like a bandaid. quick and fast. Let her get acquanted to the place. See her once a week. Take her out to lunch, park etc. But do not take her near her house.She may not understand, which can make things worse.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thank you..... I do fear the emotional turmoil this would cause all of us. Since I probably could not physically pick her up and force her to go back to the retirement home, it would make me get a court order which would be soooo stressful!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I tell my mother, to go ahead and schedule it. She will need the medical transport, because she can't put any weight on her legs. She never goes through with it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This is EXACTLY what I have been going through and I KNEW what tantrum my father was going to pull when he got home. He even admitted to staff that he had planned. I was advised by everyone, nurses, lawyers, friends not to do it, so I did not. 2 of my brothers decided to bring him home for a visit when we had a family reunion and it worked out ok, (that time) because there were so many people around that he behaved.

But, if it is just you, it may be different. The emotional turmoil this ONE visit created for many people was just not worth it. This has been the bane of my existance and cause me much emotional distress and physical stress from worrying about it.

In short, the "emotional reward" of taking your mother for a visit is not worth the tremendous risk of falling, tantrums, refusal to go back, stress on YOU, etc,etc.
Do not do it.....bring her a photo album, sit and reminisce instead!!! Take care of yourself!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

How would the visit make her retirement home more tolerable? In what way? Don't do it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks so much for the response. I will decide in a week or two maybe how I should do this. Like you said, it might add resentment or enrichment. I want to think the better. Guess we need to have a heart to heart talk and compromise before doing it :)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Kathy, you know your mother better than we do, so you may suspect things that will happen. If my mother was in a facility I would not be able to bring her home. She would put off leaving, then probably decide that she didn't need to go back. I know her that well. If you think your mother might do this, visiting the home may cause a lot of resentment when she had to go back. OTOH, if you think she would be enriched by the visit and would go back to the facility without a problem, I don't see the harm. Let us know what you decide.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.