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I have four boys ages 16,9,7,and 10 month old baby. My dad is 68 years old and has cirrhosis of the liver from IV drug use and pancreatic cancer probably from smoking for many years. My dad gets really sick sometimes and we have to take him to the emergency or urgent care! My older sister lives very close to him about 15 minutes away, while I live 45 minutes away. Every time my dad gets sick and needs to go to the emergency my sister who has NO kids calls me and demands that I pack up my kids and meet her at the emergency, she says that it's not fair that she goes and I don't. She makes me feel terrible and tells everyone in the family that I'm not helping. Which is not true I took care of my dad through my whole pregnancy with my last baby, I didn't even get to enjoy being pregnant because I was taking care of my sick dad! I feel bad for my dad but he made the choice when he put those dirty needles in his arm, should I keep putting my kids through the hassle of sitting in a waiting room because my sister thinks it's fair? My sister goes nightclubbing on the weekends while I'm taking care of my family and doing chores. Also. I bring my dad to my house three days out of the week to care for him. My sister visits him when he's at home for 1-2 hours and then leaves, I can't keep doing this I don't get a break for myself ever, I'm always taking care of someone! I chose to have kids not a sick dad, my dads let's me do everything for him from cooking for him to cleaning up after him when he's at my house isn't that enough? Why should I drag my kids to the emergency when he gets sick, when my sister could take him by herself?

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I agree with everyone above. Invest in caller display and voice-mail if you don't already have it and screen your calls. When sis calls let her leave a message, then you can decide if you need to act on the call without the drama and pressure. If she keeps calling turn off the ringer.
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Good posts on here! It will be tough but say "no". Dad is an adult -he doesn't need you holding his hand in ER exposing your kids to who knows what. You are doing enough without the ER visits. This is not your problem - say "no" to sister. Decide in a calm moment what you can do and will continue to do and communicate that. Then say "I can't do that" to everything else. Don't get into explanations or debates - repeat over and over "I can't do that". Good luck to you, it sounds as if you have let yourself be run over by family. I used to be too - and the day I said "no" and stuck to it despite all the world war III was a very liberating day!
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Taking a 16,9,7,and 10 month old baby to the ER because your dad is there is unhealthy and not fair, plus throws the children off in their sleep patterns which good for them the next day when 3 of the four of these children are in school on a weekday.

I'm going to borrow someone's phrase to day and sum thing up with it for I feel just too tired to write a lot. So, here it is.

If you are old enough to have 4 children, then your old enough to stand up to your dictatorial sister. She sounds very narcissistic. Set boundaries with her and protect yourself for she's not going to change and become Marry Poppins.

Take care of yourself and your own family.

Good night.
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Number one, hospitals and ERs are some of the most disease-ridden places on the planet. You do NOT want to be exposing your children to those kinds of bugs! It sounds like you're being ganged up on by your mom and sis, which is hard to handle if you're a kind, caring person and it's obvious you are.

But as others have said, your children are your #1 priority. Anything else is a distant second. And your dad's needs come after your needs and your husband's needs. So work on letting the guilt go. Set limits about what you'll do - no more ER visits unless someone else can watch your children. And getting dad a higher level of care sounds like a very, very good idea to me.
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In your life, your children come first. You and your husband come a very close second. Somewhere after that come your dad and your mother and your sister.

If you are putting your relationship with your dad ahead of your children, shame on you.

If you are putting your children through repeated emergency room visits to avoid telling your mother the truth -- you are doing enough to help your dad, that is selfish.

So my advice is to get your priorities straight and then grow a backbone.

Yikes. That sounds pretty harsh. Sometimes a kick in the pants is what we need to get us to look at things in a different light. I offer that kick once in a while. Others have been kinder, I am glad to see.

You are being superwoman. You deserve lots and lots of credit. You deserve a break. Superwomen look admirable right up until they burn out. Whether your father brought his condition on himself or he had no control over some condition that dropped on his out of the blue, you are doing terrifically by him to provide the level of care you do. Be proud. But you are not responsible for him. You are responsible for your children.

And allowing your sister to determine what is right for you, a mother, when she has no experience as a mother is just plain ludicrous.
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Is there a "husband" in there, or did I miss that mention in your post? How can you manage? If there were no husband, no kids, why would you be the caregiver for Dad? What hold does your mom have on you, an adult? Get yourself a life, preferably one with happiness for you and your kids.
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Do not go to the emergency room with your children! Dad likely has hepatitis, this can be communicable. What do the other 30-150 people in the waiting room have, I am guessing you don't know.
As others have mentioned, the emergency transportation (calling 911) is the response in an emergency. Don't go, you could get in an accident with all the distractions of kids, dad, and sister's demands.
I have heard it said on here, that people call heir sisters who behave like yours : ts. TS means twisted sister.
You might want to get some therapy for what is really going on underneath the family drama. God bless you and your children. Sorry to hear about Dad.
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I really hate to say this, but there is absolutely nothing worse than a long day in the ER waiting room with a herd of bored kids running around. And it seems there always is.

Tell your sister to get screwed. You do your part and then some. Stay home with those kids. Whatever happens to your Dad is largely his fault, not yours.
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It sounds as though your dad needs a higher level of care than he currently receives. Where is your mom in all this? Is she not enough support in the ER? What stage is his Pancreatic Cancer? Have you all looked into Hospice care?

At some point, when there are too many ER visits, it means you are putting out small fires and not noticing that the house is on fire. Perhaps you all need to look at the bigger picture.
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When my mother ends up in the hospital, at least one of my sisters and I go to be with her. I need that support so I understand you're sister's feelings.

Having said that, your sister should not be allowed to dictate your behaviors, nor should your mother's ill-informed opinions. Your own relationship with your father and your sense of obligation should dictate your actions.

About the kids though. No, you should not drag your kids to the emergency room. It's not fair to them. There's nothing they can do for your dad and there's nothing for them to do there, either. They need their sleep. They need to get their homework done. They don't need to sit in a hospital emergency room or urgent care just because their mother's there.

Can't the older kids watch the younger ones? How about their father(s)? How about a baby-sitter? Better yet, I suggest the next time this happens, call your mother and ask her to come stay with the kids while you go tend to your father. If she's so intent on pressing you to help him out, she should put her money where her mouth is and help make it possible for you to do so.
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I'll finish reading after I immediately comment this: What's wrong with calling 911? Okay, I'll finish reading after I comment this: Tell your sister, "Sorry, no can do." Okay, I finished. Tell your sister you're contribution to dad's care is bringing him to your house two or three days a week. You are no longer available to join her at the ER. If she isn't willing to step up? Then she needs to do some research on nursing homes. (If he has pancreatic cancer, sadly, that's probably in his future.

Oh! And now I've read your second post. Sorry, but my response to that is that your first and foremost responsibility is to your children. So, for God's sake, get a backbone. You must be the youngest. Stop it!
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Because she's horrible if I don't do what she says! She will call my mom (my mom always agrees with her) and my mom will get on my back about how I need to help my dad!
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Let me ask a very basic and simple question, without intending to be cruel or sarcastic: why do you allow your sister to dictate what you do?
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