Follow
Share

I need an opinion from the gang here. My father's best friend died yesterday. He was 93. Dad is 94, in NH, moderate dementia, often says horrible things to people. At other times he can be quite charming to others. It depends on what day it is....and you can never predict it.

I know I should take him to the funeral next week, but I am torn. Out of respect for the family, I do not want him to make a scene. I feel disloyal by feeling this is a dilemma.....looking for your advice here!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Wow. That's a dilemma. In my opinion the most important thing is for your dad to pay his respects. Perhaps you can take him to the cemetery at the end of the funeral when it's quieter? Play it by ear but in the meantime I'd order an arrangement of flowers be sent in your dad's name. If your dad and his best friend shared a hobby or something else meaningful I'd ask the florist to make an arrangement with that theme. Good luck and I hope you let us know how it turns out. - NYDIL
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Mincemeat, will the family have a viewing prior to the services? If so, why not take Dad there, then that way if Dad is having a bad day you can slip him out the door quickly. I would forget the services. I wouldn't want him to be the center of the conversation after the fact.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

What you might do instead is take him to the viewing first, as a trial run. Go during the day or afternoon viewing; I'd avoid nighttime viewing b/c of the dementia and sundowning, if it's present.

If he becomes distraught, at least it's occurring in the privacy of the viewing session rather than in the open funeral proceedings.

I would also brief the family before going so that they're aware of any potential negativity.

I'd also be prepared to spend some time with your father afterward in case he does realize his best friend is gone and become temporarily distraught.

If you think your father's up to it, you could also let him express his feelings toward his best friend in a card to give to the family to put in the casket. That way he could offer his condolences, but do it in private as he writes the card, then minimize the time he actually spends in the funeral home.

Funeral proceedings are generally so depressing and so maudlin; I think I'd tend to avoid that and just stick with the viewings; they're are least not so procedurally governed.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.