Dad is 88 and he gets around fairly well. He forgets to take meds properly even though I obtained Pillpack. He is as stubborn as stubborn gets but still in a frame of mind to say HELL NO I WONT GO. He eats what he can which isn't a good diet and he has gout attack once every 6-8 weeks literally. He wants to work in his wood working shop which mostly ends up with an injury of some kind. His driving, don't even get me started.
Mom is 84. In late 2019 she had Kyphoplasty (back surgery) and it left her paralyzed. That outpatient procedure took her from hospital to Skilled Nursing, talk about unprepared. Soon after being in the Skilled Nursing (SN) she asked my dad, her husband of 52 years to please come live there with her. He without hesitation said NOPE. Broke her heart & mine. Fast forward to March 2020 COVID and we're locked out of the SN and she is left to fend for herself (so to speak) I continued to advocated for her care. Now I have to do it by phone.
My kids are grown, left home 2017 and the same week I resigned my full time job, Dad has a heart attack I'm left to care for him. The following year he contracts Sepsis, the following year mom trips over a tree root and shatters both shoulders then 2019 with Paralysis....it has been non stop and I don't fool myself....it's not going to get better. Age attacks us all, no one is immune, SADLY my day will come too. November 2020 I was able to obtain Medicaid waiver and bring mom home......CLEARLY I had NO IDEA what I was jumping into.....All I could think was how lonely she was and ONCE AGAIN my dad "gets" his way of NOT going to be with her in the SN.....We live in Texas and this past week was a REAL EYE OPENER and Burn out hit bigger than the storm did along with emotional damage.....Dad & I got into it....He just will not even entertain the possibility of living anywhere else but HOME. Well....my home which is on the same property to the Home I live.
I am dealing with both parents and while physically mom is worse off, Dad seems to be my bigger challenge. My whits are nearing the end.
My sibs are not in a position to be of much help VERY little. I don't think it's fair that the ENTIRE family be expected (DAD) to DO and care for them...or ARE WE?
What & How are the conversations to have with him that might help persuade him to even CONSIDER assisted or nursing facility? Mom is more than willing to return to the nursing home...provided DAD goes with her. I dont think that is an unfair request of a Husband of 52 years. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM? Does he not love his wife? That eats on me as well.....
I appreciate reading all areas of caregiving....It's helpful to know that there are others that are dealing with one or the other & both