Who takes care of my husband and I when our family lives far away and we are starting to need help?

Sometimes when writing a longer response than preferred by another we are working through issues and also another person can glean what they need from the lengthy answer. Just because someone posts a longer than 150 word response does not mean I have to read it. If I have time I do as that's respect; if I am in a rush I glance through it and revisit it later.

JPB It takes time to learn a new site. I feel that this forum is for venting and telling us what is on your mind. I happen to be one that is very descriptive. Maybe you are too. Nothing wrong with that. Please stay with us as you will find many good answers to your questions. I didn't think we were locked into 150 words? If you are busy and don't want to read a full answer do what a lot of us do. Just skim and when you are not so busy re-read the full answer. Sorry, but I feel that ayagbe1 has been a little harsh. Hugs to you.

I apologize if I was too wordy in my first reply. I am new here. I also felt that GrandmaCarol was looking for some comfort and reassurance, as well as practical help. I will try to be more concise in the future, but I will continue to offer prayers and virtual hugs!

If you area has an Elder Care service, call them. They can help set you up with a service that will come in and provice some of the care you need, or at least give you suggestions of who to call. Also, as one person mentioned, ask your doctor or healthcare service. There's also an organization (and other's like it) called "Home Instead" that you can hire to assist you if nothing else is available. I'm currently in the process of having to set up something for my mother because, though she lives with me, I work full-time, and she requires someone with her. Good luck!

Best of luck in your difficult situation. If you don't have one already, you and your husband need a medical alert system.

I would recommend that you consult with a geriatric care manager who can help establish a plan of care that involves community resources. The geriatric care manager can also establish communication with long distance children to help keep them in the loop. The geriatric care manager will oversee the care and make sure that nothing falls between the cracks.

My heart goes out to you! You say you live too far from family....Are they aware of your situation? Maybe they don't know just how bad things are, and need to know? My husband and I moved his mother (84) near us last fall, 6 months after her husband passed away, and after she fell and broke her arms. She did not want to move, but really had no choice. She has settled into an independent senior apartment a mile from us, and really loves it. She can see her six grandchildren more often now. We were 900 miles apart before this, and we could see her only once or twice a year at most (because she could not travel, and we didn't have enough vacation time or money to go).

If your family knows about your situation and cannot help, perhaps you should make some calls to find out what services are available in your area. Most cities have senior services information, and they can steer you in the right direction. You could also look into independent or assisted living. You certainly have your plate full! Independent living might not be a good fit, given both your health limitations. Assisted living is NOT a nursing home, you know. It is very similar to an independent apartment, but you have the benefit of meals, assistance with bathing, medications, etc. and that sounds like it could be good for your husband....

I am so sorry for what you're going through. My own mother passed away at 59, over 15 years ago. My elderly mother-in-law's needs are getting increasingly more complicated, so we are looking into assisted living for her in the near future. Change is hard, but please do reach out and find out what is available. If not family, then the change in housing may be in order. Another option is home health care. Depends upon your budget, of course, but there are people who can come in and help on a daily basis.

I wish you the best as you navigate your path on this journey....Blessings.

I am sure we are all here for similar reasons, but we have different styles. I have never had elderly relatives, so this is all new to me. My own mother passed 15+ years ago at age 59. I grew up with only parents and siblings, no extended family. I am the primary caregiver for my 84 year old mother-in-law. She has dementia, hearing aids, just had cataract surgery, and I have six children of my own. Four at home, homeschooling. One in college out of state, and one disabled adult child who live a half hour away. My own plate is more than full, and most days, it's hard to get out of bed (fibromyalgia). If it weren't for my strong faith, I would have no reason to go on (being brutally honest here). My husband is a good man, but he works long hours to care for us all. I have the job of 10 people to do on a regular basis. Not complaining, just sharing my perspective. My MIL is a difficult person, but husband is an only child, so she is my FT job, in addition to my children. I will do my best to share and help as I can. GrandmaCarol's words spoke to me, because I can only hope that when I am older and in need of care, my own children will help. I do believe family has a responsibility to help. Doesn't mean her children have to take her in, but they should be aware of her (and her husband's) needs. They can choose to help (or not), but I would be most upset if my MIL had not let us know she needed serious help. My responsibility is to care for those in need. I am learning to care for myself in the process.

Do you own your house?
Sell it or look into a reverse mortgage. You might be able to add $2000 a month to your income flow. That can go a long way. $400 towards a house keeper. Get groceries delivered. Have a LVN come two days a week to get everyone a good bath and all the laundry done. Once you have run through the money in your mortgage the government will help.

ayagbe1 You are forgiven. I went back and re-read my answer and it looks like it I didn't finish my sentence. I meant to say ask questions or vent or tell us what works for you etc. I just didn't feel that it had to be done in 150 words or less.