Taking care of a loved one after 2 total hip replacements. Any words of wisdom?

Bring in someone to cut the grass and clean your house and some of these chores. He doesn't get to say "no". My dad was like your DH and after five years my step mom was hospitalized - stress related illnesses because she was doing it all. Also check with local area agency on aging to find out if you can have some respite - my stepmom was able to get four hours a week - she used this time for herself. Also look into having groceries and medicines delivered.

Has he not recovered well post hip replacement? A person does heal from this and is able to walk and do things, maybe not mow the lawn (hire that out to a service) but the entire point of hip replacement is giving someone a whole new hip. 
Hip replacement surgery has made great strides and most patients recover pretty well. He needs to start getting up and walking and moving around for his own recovery. I don’t know how old he his but whatever age, get him up and doing stuff for himself.
As for grocery shopping, do it on the Internet from a store near you that has internet shopping and delivery.
Being a caregiver to a new post op hip is exhausting. If I were you I would hire out as much as possible. 
He does not get much of choice. You work FT and deal with this? I would tell my husband to choose one or the other - either you quit your job and he supports you and the home, or he hires people to keep the rest of the house running as you cannot do both. Simple choice for him. 
You do the powerwashing? God bless you!  
I don’t need to be superwoman anymore - as you get older you have to pace yourself. 

What about waxing the driveway? I hope you aren’t letting that slide.
I know about liking the outdoor things. But you aren’t doing him a favor by enabling him to not use the new hips. Can you tell if he is getting up whiie you are at work? Does he appreciate your efforts or is he complaining?
Did he do his post surgery therapy? Does he need more?
Give yourself a promotion and become the household manager and not the jack of all trades. Pace yourself. Take care.

Tell him you are helping someone out. And in return it helps you. Get a youngster to cut the grass FOR YOU ! Getting you groceries delivered is a great idea. UNLESS you do it on your own? If so then go for a coffee and a cake, meet a friend. :) Big hugs and good luck to you. :)

I would try to get his surgeon to write a prescription for out patient physical therapy. The person is probably unsure of what he can do because no one post op ever taught him. This will get him out of the house a few times a week and he can perform exercises at home on non PT days.
Why do you have 3 beers at his home every night? I would personally defer alcohol intake in front of a recovering alcoholic. You say he counts them; I sort of feel bad about that.
Do you think he is secretly drinking on the side?
Vacuuming may be too much activity for him. It’s best a professional physical therapist assess his abilities and work with him to improve.
Hope these “ideas” will give you food for thought.

You only have three beers at night... am I the only one who sees that as a problem? Given your family history I think that turning to alcohol to "relax" is something you need to take a serious look at.

Yuki I hope you take some of the suggestions offered here and apply them to taking care of you. You sound like a loving, caring spouse that feels, & rightfully so, that the entire burden of life is on you as your “partner” has checked out & isn’t smart enough to appreciate the good woman he has.
While you say you like to do “everything” as you feel no one can do the job as well as you, please consider stepping back. If hubby goes to the gym 3x/week he is no invalid but due to his chronic alcoholism has developed the “poor me” syndrome. Now he is dragging you down due the bad decisions he made his entire life.
Stop enabling him or he will never even think of changing his routine which consists of you single handedly running the household. Why should he change?
I too see your post as a cry for help. It’s ok to feel that way,Yuki. You have needs too that unfortunately aren’t being met because your husband is too selfish and wrapped in the “martyr syndrome” to recognize your needs.
I think you don’t get any positive feedback from your partner and thus try to compensate by doing more in the hope that he will appreciate you more.
Don’t do all this physical work- you will eventually suffer by wearing your body and mind out. You think you can do it all now but eventually you will crash and burn. Don’t let him win again. Again you sound like a good person with a big heart. Your husband may be taking advantage of you.
I wish you the best. Find your inner strength and fight the dragon - you can do it.

My suggestion is to sell your house and get a nice apartment. That will cut out the upkeep. Some of those 55 and up have gyms and activities. Keeping it clean will be easier too. That will give you time to do what you want. Sounds like his is capable to get a bowl of cereal and a sandwich. Dinner he can have delivered. Do you have some friends that would be willing to do long weekend or week trips with you? Or go by yourself. He is a big boy. I have a friend who told her husband of 40+ years she couldn't sit around the house with him anymore. He never wanted to do anything. She now goes out with the girls and travels to visit friends and relatives.

Get outside help immediately!!! You do need to get away from this from time to time. Once the chores outside are done....get something done for yourself outside the home. Please stop trying to do everything even if you like it. What's the point?
To hell with his whining and refusing this as he isn't assisting in anyway.
I'm so sick of people dictating who comes in to assist when they are doing absolutely nothing!
Be strong. Hire someone now!!

Thank you All for your great words if wisdom. It’s hard to change when you’ve been doing everything. Why did I stay is what everyone is asking? Well I signed a contract 40 yrs ago for better or worse. Yea I’d say I got the worse. But sometimes you find inner peace when you all of a sudden get thrown into them. Like his mother, she’s 88 yrs old, I go over her house and help out with her needs to, and she knows what her son is, and constantly reminds me , And Encourages me of what a great job I’m doing. My late father in law pretty much did the same thing to her. She understands, she gets in. She told me many times she looked at that door all the time. But you don’t leave when it gets bad, you stay and become stronger. It’s what I’ve chosen to do. As far as help, we’ll I’m going to take it one step at a time. We have been talking a lot, and I did tell him my feelings, I told him I’m in this bitterness stage, and I don’t want to end up with the 10 to 20 yrs we have left in this world angery and bitter the rest of my life. We can both work on changes or one of us is going to be sick and die old and bitter. And I suggested we go to seek counseling. He agreed. That way we don’t rip each other apart. So I’ve accomplish something. Small steps guys. I will check in with all of you’s, and thanks for showing me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Yuki