That's so good that you took her. And yes, it's good when our mother's friends see them off. I'm sure she'll enjoy the luncheon and perhaps see other old friends. You are a good daughter.
She did very well. She did cry but was ok. I'm glad we took her. The kids were glad. We are not taking her to the funeral but the family does want her and my dad at the luncheon afterward.
I think that it depends. Does the person with dementia want to go to the funeral home? My aunt has had several relatives die in the past few years since she has had dementia. She did not want to go to any of the services but she did want to go to the funeral home outside of the regular visitation hours. If it was from say 2 until 6 I took her after everyone had left. This was primarily so that she wouldn't get upset and upset the others. I prearranged this with the funeral home. She signed the register. Later after the burial I took her to the cemetery. She always wanted the memory folder and often out of town relatives would come by and visit her after the services. So she took part in her own way. My FIL died before my MIL. At the visitation MIL got very upset several times when she would see his body in the casket. She knew he had died but would forget. The next day at the service she was amazing. At the cemetery when taps were played, she stood from her wheelchair and placed her hand over her heart. There was not a dry eye. She was obviously very ill but had a natural or appropriate response to the situation. She died 1 month and 1 day later. There was never any thought of her not going to FIL funeral. I think the family needed her there. So again, I think it depends on the circumstances.
"Person with dementia" covers a huge range of cognitive and behavioral abilities. I don't believe there is a one-size-fits-all answer to this.
Also, perfectly healthy people have a wide range of attitudes and reactions to viewings. Some find it helpful in accepting the finality of the death. Others prefer to remember the person alive and don't want to view them dead.
So, what was this person's attitude before the dementia appeared? What is this person's memory like now? Will he/she be more likely to remember that the friend is dead by going to the wake? Or will he/she still talk as if the friend is living? What was this person's reaction to the news of the death?
I'm afraid this is a case-by-case decision. But please understand this: do your best to make a good decision and then don't second-guess yourself. Don't let yourself get into the "oh, if only I had made the other decision" mode. Do your best and move one.
Caregiving really throws us into situations we've had no preparation for, doesn't it?
You are a good daughter.
My aunt has had several relatives die in the past few years since she has had dementia. She did not want to go to any of the services but she did want to go to the funeral home outside of the regular visitation hours. If it was from say 2 until 6 I took her after everyone had left. This was primarily so that she wouldn't get upset and upset the others. I prearranged this with the funeral home. She signed the register. Later after the burial I took her to the cemetery. She always wanted the memory folder and often out of town relatives would come by and visit her after the services. So she took part in her own way. My FIL died before my MIL. At the visitation MIL got very upset several times when she would see his body in the casket. She knew he had died but would forget. The next day at the service she was amazing. At the cemetery when taps were played, she stood from her wheelchair and placed her hand over her heart. There was not a dry eye. She was obviously very ill but had a natural or appropriate response to the situation. She died 1 month and 1 day later. There was never any thought of her not going to FIL funeral. I think the family needed her there. So again, I think it depends on the circumstances.
Also, perfectly healthy people have a wide range of attitudes and reactions to viewings. Some find it helpful in accepting the finality of the death. Others prefer to remember the person alive and don't want to view them dead.
So, what was this person's attitude before the dementia appeared? What is this person's memory like now? Will he/she be more likely to remember that the friend is dead by going to the wake? Or will he/she still talk as if the friend is living? What was this person's reaction to the news of the death?
I'm afraid this is a case-by-case decision. But please understand this: do your best to make a good decision and then don't second-guess yourself. Don't let yourself get into the "oh, if only I had made the other decision" mode. Do your best and move one.
Caregiving really throws us into situations we've had no preparation for, doesn't it?