Should I take out all my parents clothes that don't fit and just hang the matched up outfits that do fit?
My mom and dad live in my basement apartment. Mom is 81 and was diagnosed with dementia 6 years ago. Dad is 84 and was diagnosed with Alzheimers 6 months ago. They are both physically handicapped as well. Dad uses a walker and sometimes a wheelchair as numerous strokes have left him unable to stand or walk well. Mom has severe osteoarthritis in her entire body and can barely walk or get up and down. She uses a cane and a walker. Her hands are extremely disfigured and painful. Needless to say, neither of them drive anymore. Mom can no longer use the stove as she would burn things all the time. She refused to stop cooking so we had to disconnect the gas line from the stove. We have replaced the microwave several times as the puts things in there and doesn't remember how to choose the setting and after an hour of heating, something blows up! We can't really take the microwave out at this point, (may have to in the near future) as I need it to heat food up for them after I prepare it upstairs and bring it down to them. Also, the afternoon caregiver oftentimes needs the microwave. Anyway, another whole question! (Not the one I want to ask. LOL) I work a full time job so my husband, who is a school bus driver, is there to care for them during the day while I am at work. The afternoon caregiver is there for them from 2:00 - 5:30 while he drives the bus in the afternoon. I get almost no help from my sister, who will offer to take mom to the doctor every couple of months and a meal now and then if she has left overs after feeding her family. My brother helps more than she, but is an over the road truck driver and is gone for days at a time. Although I have numerous questions for which I would love suggestions and advice, here is my question for today: As I am gone during the day, I will choose clothes for either Mom or Dad the night before if I know they are going to the doctor the next day. Usually I schedule appointments either early in the morning so I an go on to work or in the late afternoon so I can leave work early. On this particular day, my brother was to take Dad to the doctor. I chose his clothes, hung them in the bathroom so he couldn't miss seeing them and told my husband as well, so he could assist. I called home to make sure that he had found the clothes and was getting ready. No one could find the clothes I had prepared for him! (My mothers moves things and loses things daily, the latest thing being her teeth!) Neither Mom nor Dad are able to choose their own clothes anymore if it is other than daily, around the house clothes. My husband didn't really know what to do. Due to various illnesses, Mom and Dad both fluctuate in their weight and have several different sizes in their closet. When no one could find the clothes, Mom flew into a rant. (She is always angry, sarcastic, rude and hateful. Nothing and everything sets her off). She took all Dad's pants from the closet and tried to make him try them all on. It takes him 10 minutes to finally try on one pair. She is ranting, he is upset trying to find something that fits and it is total chaos! This is not the first time this has happened. This, at last, is my question: Since there are so many clothes in the closet that belong to each of them, and most they are not able to wear, should I take out all the ones that don't fit and just hang the matched up outfits that do fit? My mom will throw a huge tantrum. She already accuses me of taking all her things. (We had to put some of their things in storage when they moved into the apartment which is smaller than their house). I don't want her to feel that we are just taking everything from her, but would it make things easier for her (and myself) if there were less things to choose from in the closet? Or, should I just take out a few things at a time and hope they don't notice? Somehow that doesn't seem right. This may sound like an issue I should be able to figure out myself, but I get differing opinions from family members and wanted other suggestions.
My Mom always had to put things out for my Dad to wear, other wise he would put on plaid shorts with a stripe shirt, tall black socks and brown dress shoes [Dad was an engineer, so those familiar with engineers would understand].
If your Dad isn't quite matched for his doctor's visit, I am sure the doctor is use to that. Only thing to really care about is if he wears Depends, he has a new one on and uses the bathroom before he leaves.
I feel like there are parallels too with having younger children. If my son finds comfy pants, I get multiples. We have small closets so when the weather changes, I'll pull all their heavier clothes out and the things they keep for next year I'll put up in a bin out of reach. At that time I pull all their clothes that are too small and donate them. That way they just see the new season clothes and are happy about that.
In general, for both my kids when they were littler and for my grandparents, it seems like simpler has been better. It's hard for them to get dressed and it's easier if no one gets frustrated. (It's also a lot easier when it comes to laundry.) You have to strike a balance between what works for you and what makes them happy.
One little tip, I try not to overuse plastic ziploc bags but they are handy for stuff like this. Those larger ziploc bags might be good for bagging individual outfits for your parents, complete with undergarments and socks, to keep a few upstairs. They are easy to label and see through and for someone else to just grab and take down for your parents on days when you are having outside help. (I did this when we traveled for the kids and it prevents them from rifling through and makes it easier to dress them in a hurry.)