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yrs, 55 in her apt which was emptied and no longer hers-i wasnt told ,i never did any going thru of her things-i dont feel my brother is giving her the kind of care she deserves-he has her in a nh far from her frinds and me-she keeps telling me to bring her shoes and come close quickly ,hedoesn visit- butnot for any lenght of time-he doesnt feel her the way i do-i am the elsdest-he is the youngest-mom and i have a speial bond iknow this isworse for her thanme and itsperetty badforebut he has control not sure howhe managed to get her to take my name off of the edical POA, but he did-he keeps me as out of theinfo /med loop as possible
i have to jump thru hoops toget any real answers and not the answers that are usually given
that will be what general and not personal ;like oh she is ok, ot like oh she is fine everything is ok= hard to get details
i am worried about her
it is a clean place,but understaffed, not alot ofindividual care, and basically a ware house for medicated elderly people,that are medicated,and frustrated,and left to just rant and rave---things can be done to help calm people down- without having to medicate them into zombie land-
but this isnt good for her
she deserves better
any ideas ?anyone had similar experience?
im disgusted-
she is frightened and wants me close talks about death if she doesnt get out of there=
but when i ask- she is doing fine-
bull.

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Yes. It all did work out for us. The day Protective Services spoke to my sister she agreed to turn over all mom's money to my uncle and wrote him a check last week. My mom got most of her money back. I think sister still took some and hid it but she had 5 different accounts going and Protetive services found them all. Please contact them. They are there to keep the elderly from being exploited either physically or emotionally or financially. Do not pay $500.00. Mom paid $225.00 for both her POA and a new will. Shop around. There are also places for the elderly here in Pittsburgh that charge a small amount to get new POA's and wills done. It doesn't take a great deal of time to find out where they are. Just type in the internet for Elder Abuse attorneys or help. Good Luck and go for it. I was scared at first to go after my sister but when I saw the smile on my mom's face when she got her money back, it was all worth it. Take care of you mom if you know in your heart your brother is just not doing something right!!!! keep us posted of you progress.
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You bet! krn, that is exactly what we did like jam said. We made my mom's brother her new POA. This way he is a neutral party and it kept myself and my sister out of it. My uncle is acting in the best interest of my mother and that is the way it should be. No sibling rivalry or greed or revenge just plain old "lets do what is best for mom at this stage of her life".
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I agree with you about the heart to heart if that is possible. It unfortunately is not always that easy. It wasn't for me. My sister and I were very close and I never thought we would be at this point and not talk at all. Money, jealousy, guilt and greed are the root of all evil. It takes a toll on my family and our life as we cannot go anywhere and we get no help in the day to day things mom needs and her care. It is definitely not easy to care for someone in your home with dementia and I live it every day and my heart aches as I watch my mom go downhill a little more each day. It must be thought out very carefully but you cannot sit and watch a loved one just be put somewhere out of convenience to get them out of the way if that is the case. If krn can talk to her brother than that is where to start. If not, then careful thought needs to be taken to take care of mom.
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Is your mother of sound mind? That is, would she be considered legally competent? If so, she can decide to leave the nursing home -- it isn't a prison -- or to appoint you her medical proxy.

Usually (at least in this state) someone on Medicaid has a case manager or social worker assigned. Does your mother? That would be a good person to contact.
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You stated your mother can't swallow and is receiving nourisment by use of a tube. But more importantly you said your mother has a trach. It would appear that your mother really needs skilled nursing care provided by the nursing home she is in. Are you a licensed nurse? Do you know anything about trach care? For that matter do you know anything about tube feedings that your mother will need, most likely for the rest of her days. A trach can become blocked at anytime and require suctioning. What happens to mom if this occurs during the 20 hours a day that home health is not around?? Medicaid won't pay for a nurse to be in your home 24 hours per day. Leave mom in the nursing home for her own good. See if there is any chance of having Speech Therapy work with her on her swallowing problem and Respiratory Therapy to work with her on possibly getting her off the trach. If this can be done, by all means take her home. If not, you need to realize that your mom has some very serious problems. I know this isn't what you want to hear. But just giving an honest opinion. All the Best to your Mom and You.
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Thanks Coach,
I appreciate your comment,but I am aware of all you stated. I have done lots of research and asked questions for the past 7 months. I wouldn't jeopardize my mom's well being to satisfy myself. I have been trained to suction, unclog the feeding tube and have learned the diaper changing. That is not the issue..
Its been a mistake all along by agencies and lying social workers and doctors to keep my mother in a nursing facility. Its very easy to state to keep her in nursing home when you are there most of the day and have to constantly remind them to change her diaper (which they prefer to do every 8 or 10 hours . "Patient Care" at hospitals is "Don't Care". I am more than sure that with her at home I can change her frequently and it would be a less negative environment.Clothes getting lost and stolen items are a turn-off and people after money.This is all a scam and a business. I wont give up and I will stop when she dies..At least I wont feel bad and cant say I tried.Thanks for the well wishes..I hope I get my wish and prayer.
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I thought I was alone on this one. Thank God it has nothing to with with a brother-sister issue. I have been deceived by the social worker at the hospital and my mother was placed in an nursing home without my consent. Can anybody help me or refer me to someone? They think they own her!!! All I want to do is bring her home until she goes with the LORD, is that so difficult? Please respond..I am desperate!!
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Well she is not brain dead,but she does understand commands and is able to answer questions even though we cannot hear her voice.To me she is legally competent.She cries and tells me she wants to go home.The hospital social worker is doing absolutely nothing to help me.She made me believe she was,but that is not what I am seeing and I haven't met the one assigned to the new facility.
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That is why I suggest you contact a social worker outside of the facility -- it doesn't sound like you can build a working relationship there.
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Jeanne..I spoke with a social worker today and I will keep you posted.Thanks again for the help....
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