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I live in a different part of the state. Should I seek a doctor for her dementia, go to her former doctor, cater to my convenience or her familiarity? i have no siblings and her siblings live away and are older as well. I am open to any and all suggestions. Medicaid will not pay for assisted for her due to her SS income over the amount and no one will take her as skilled/long term.

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We put my mthr in a memory care close to us and took her to a doc here as well. Her doc in her hometown said that changing would be best since she would see the new doc more frequently and we could go with her every time. Our memory care is an AL, with no skilled care, but you can hire your own nurse if you need that, and visiting nurses come out for post op and hospice work. There are many levels there, from people who don't want to wander in the eves but are fine during the day to people who are bed-bound with dementia and have private nurses. This place has lots of activities and friendships which are the key to happiness! Mthr is so happy there.
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Don't base your solutions solely on what mother "likes" or does not like...she has dementia and her thoughts may be based on what seems least threatening and easiest at the moment, that may be totally impractical or unsustainable. Respect her preferences as far as you can, but no further! In other words, if you do bring her to live with you, realize that you can and should set limits and have help so you are not trying to do it all solo 24x7. Sometimes these arrangements work great, and sometimes they utterly fail. And yes, absolutely, get a comprehensive geriatric eval including a doc and a SW to help guide you. Do you have POA papers in order? Are there other ways of handling finances that would let her stay in assisted living or a board and care close to you?
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I think moving your mother in with you should be your last result. You should see a doctor about your mother dementia.
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My father spent a couple of years in the army. Korean War. All these years, he never checked to see if he qualified for veteran benefits. When my mom passed away last year, older sis decided to just check with the veteran's office here. Yep, my father was in their list. Mom was buried in the veteran's cemetery. Even up to now, I ask him if he wants to apply for whatever benefits he can as a vet. He said no.
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Your Dad didn't have to retire from the service for your Mother to have benefits. Please check on the info online. Good luck.
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Dadd was a veteran but she doesn't qualify since he didn't retire in service. She also doesn't like people in her home other than family. Have consulted with agency but no response. Doctor says she is too mobile, takes too few pills and can find her way from her room to dining room. The nurses there have been great. The remaining staff have much to be desired. Thanks. Will try Aging Council again.
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Why won't they take her in long term care. Have you consulted your council on aging? Check your county website, they will have an agency that helps seniors. They will help you arrange care, give you your options, and help with the paper work. Good luck
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If she was married to a wartime Vet, get her VA Aid and Attendance. A good facility will help you find aid and hook you up with a benefits consultant.
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