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My father had a stroke and needs full assistance with everything except feeding himself...he is 84 years old and wheelchair bound. My mother uses a walker and wheelchair. She has gout, congestive heart failure, diabetes, needs soundcard 2x a week. She needs asap 2 hip replacements asap well as two knee replacements but will not get the surgeries due to all her other medical problems. She cannot groundout very, very slow.

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In the olden days family caregivers were in their 30's and 40's, caring for their parents who were in their 60's and 70's. Almost all the caregivers were women who were home because they weren't out in the paid workforce. And the caregivers had neighborhood women friends who are also home, who are able to give respite on a regular basis, if not caring for their own parents or young children.

Today we have caregivers who are in their 60's and 70's, caring for their parents who are in their 80's and 90's. Again, mainly women but who are out in the paid workforce, thus are working two full time jobs [career and caregiving]. And without neighborhood women friends to help them out as those women are also out in the paid workforce. The energy and health level of a 30-40 year old is quite different from that of a 60-70 year old. It's cut in half.
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In the olden days people used to always sacrifice themselves to care for their elderly parents..it was the norm and holy thing to do. Now a days we look to place the responsibility on others to do our God given work. We have lost all sense of sacrifice for the good of others...we have become a what's in it for me culture. Jesus should be our role model for this..even dying for the benefit of US all. It is no wonder with all our narcissistic tendencies that we give advice to others to put their parents in nursing homes etc...out of sight out of mind. I watched grandmother, dad and other continually degrade in these so called 5 star homes...laying in their own filth, sitting in front of TV's for all day, not getting proper meals etc...what a crime...but we have to rationalize it as a good for the simple fact that we have become to focused on what we want or what's best for US in our own attempts to satiate our insatiable appetites for all the things that truly stop us from finding true happiness. Ironically, the thing that will in the long run would really make US truly happy in life is caring for our parents in their old ages as they did US whence were little. We perpetuate our own demise and unhappiness. Oh and by the way striving for contentment beats happiness every time, happiness is fleeting, contentment is
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feehan12, I see from your profile that both you and your husband care for your parents. Oh my gosh, that is a lot of work. Please note that this situation is only going to get worse... you and your husband will find yourself working all 3 shifts each day caring for your parents, and that will ruin your health rather quickly. That is why 1 out of every 3 Caregiver dies leaving behind the love ones they were caring.... not good odds.

Therefore, either think about bringing in at least two Caregivers per day to help you out, or better yet look around for a nice continuing care facility for your parents to live.
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Hi, My parents are both unable to care for themselves. My mother had 3 strokes, my father has health issues too. they are 90 and 87.
I am going on 3 years of dealing with a disrespectful , cantankerous, spiteful, manipulative , dominating and stubborn behaviors and would not quit for because I have dealt with these bullies in the work world.. I have been called to serve them. I know that this is a last go round so to speak and I have fought many battles with insecurity, doubts and fears, battle self destructing behaviors (overeating or too much sugar). I know my parents are going through their own form of disappointment and grief and I feel that this has been a stronghold they use over me by trying to "shame" or make me responsible for their own inability to see their part in the dysfunctional behaviors of insanity.... eg: doing the same things over and expecting different results.... I recognize so much of the patterns from when I was living here as a young adult... Their own insecurity may see this role I have as one of their cohorts called it, PAYBACK.... which puts a negative spin on it... yet that is the hardest part of the caregiving role.... the idea that anyone OWES their parent the supreme sacrifice of giving up their life to take care of them.... Well here I am trying to run the race... with God's grace and without the grace to be patient with my father because he relishes in being oppositional and defient..... Some days we blend , most days there is the oppositional defient disorder ... out of spite or habit .... but as long as God is for me... I tell myself let them be whatever way they want.... I trust Gods love to be unconditional unlike human love...
I will be here to listen more to your feedback anytime.... God Bless you in your efforts to serve your loved ones... This too shall pass one day and if only by the grace of God, take one day (moment )at a time.
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Does anyone know if there is a caregiver support group anywhere in Waukesha, Wisconsin. I have called and looked to no avail. Thank you!
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You are not going to be able to keep doing this.This is a no win situation for you. I am a retired nurse and their is a reason NH have shifts of nurses.NO human being can do this 24/7 even for one person and who have 2.No way.Start now looking for any asstistance, and also NH.If you just started this you are about to enter a whole new world.This is a good site to come to for questions and advice,many people are in your same situation, you are not alone.Learn about important documents you will need, POA,DPOA,MPOA.Also do you have siblings? Do they help or hinder? It is always best that whoever is doing the actual care of the mom/dad have all these documents to provide the best care and also to take care of yourself legally.If anyone is telling you that you have to do this they are nuts,also that you can do this they are nuts, not 2 full care human beings.Just keep coming to this site, there is no such thing as a dumb question.
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Start looking at Nursing Homes, because they will be needed in the near future. No single person can effectively take care of patients that need 24/7 care. We owe it to our parents to see that they have good care. Why is it that no one feels guilty about taking parents to a hospital for good care, but the mere mention of a Nursing Home makes their hair stand on end? Realize you are ONE person and they need three shifts of nurses and aides to keep them in good stead.
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