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Mom and one sibling have started cancelling visits and care from other siblings and home care. In most instances would be glad to have a break from caring for both parents in their home. Concerned because Mom and one sib are verbally abusive to Dad (and other sibs). How do I take care of self while insuring that Dad is getting proper care and is safe healthwiase, dementia-wise and emotionally.

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It is sad, but verbal abuse is hard to refute, much less prove. They probably don't think they are being abusive. My FIL is in a similar situation. Wife and son want him to know "the truth" even though it's needless and upsetting; and it's only their version of the truth, which doesn't include the fact that he's going to die. About all you can do, as my husband has done, is be there when you can, don't have big arguments with them about it, and live your own life. Remember, he picked the wife and he raised the kid; they represent choices he made for himself.
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Rock and a hard place, huh. Tell Mom you need the the help. You are not able to take care of two people without the help. Maybe it's time for you and the other siblings to stand together for Dad. Have everyone sit down and tell the two abusers that the abuse is going to stop and that u will be taking advantage of what is out there for help. If they don't do this, office of the aging will need called in. We all hate the thought, but maybe putting Dad in a nursing facility is a good idea. He can apply for Medicaid. Then you can visit him. Mom will be left with enough to take care of herself. Then the abusive sibling can take care of her.
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Ferris, good points and one I needed to hear even though I am not the one who posed the question. At the moment I have hit the wall. Praying God will help me get past this one as he has gotten me past it a couple of other times in this caregiving journey.
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You cannot do all three at one time. First, you care for yourself. Your father is going to go downhill with dementia regardless of the steps you take to ensure his safety. This disease is a losing battle. Recognize how much you will take, then step away, find your own peace, and start to let go. Nothing you can do will change the outcome of this disease.
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Hi same thing happen to me. My father was abused by my mother and brother, it continued even though he was on his death bed. He was always happy to see me. Did make him happy to spend time with him, bought him the stuff he liked to eat. Supported him always, even though with the
Nasty mom and brother around, just ignored there nastiness, because I new I will never win with them.
I supported him fully, until I stood by his bedside when he died. I thank GOD for that oppertunity to be there.
My mother and my brother wasn't by his bedside when he died. Make sacrifices for him. Good luck and blessing.
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