Should I take care of my husband's grandfather (98)?

No. From personal experience, you are better off hiring someone. Your own child requires your full-time attention, and your family should understand that. You cannot manage both well, and you will wear yourself out trying. You already admit that you're not getting the sleep you need; continuing to try to care for both will land you in the hospital or resenting the entire experience.

From your description, I would say that you don't need to be taking care of either grandfather.

1. What is your husband doing as far as caring for these two grandfathers?

2. Where are his parents and other children of these two grandfathers?

3. Why aren't his parents and other children of these two grandfathers involved in their care?

4. Does your husband having any siblings who could help with these grandparents?

5. What resources do these grandparents have to pay for their own care?

NO. Your plate is full. Tell your hubby even nurses have human limits, and any more stress will probably kill you. Why does everyone think an RN makes you super human?

NO. Running on a sleep deficit indefinitely is going to have serious consequences for your health. You may seem like you are getting by, but it will catch up to you. The stress isn't doing you any favors either.

Why would your husband expect this of you?

The elderly are so much better off in a facility. Of course, if you are going to take care of them, why would they ever go? I am being sarcastic. I think you know the answer. Your child needs you.

Tell him "Honey, I would love to, but I don't know how I would ever find the time." I have a feeling that it is the way you feel. Maybe you can take care of him by finding a good alternative that fits his needs. Someone who is 98 with impaired mobility requires a good bit of care. It doesn't sound like you have the kind of time to devote that he needs.

We are both only children. We have no other family to help. My husband's mother died of colon cancer last year. Now we are helping with her dad my husband's 98 year old grandfather. We hired a caregiver for the 98 year old grandfather. She takes off weekends. We have to take care of him on weekends. I'm taking care of the other 95 year old grandfather on the other parternal side. He refuses to go into assisted living. We have a doctor's appointment today to discuss options and his declining health. I'm fully aware of stress this is taking on me. It's hard enough just to cope with having a child with autism. I appreicaite all the comments. It helps just to vent...

Good heavens, are these two grandfathers that selfish that they both would want you to be their full-time caregiver knowing that you have a very young special needs child? Or are the grandfathers just spoiled and of the generation that caregiving is women's work?.... [sigh]

Who has been paying for the caregiver who take care of grandfather 98? Does she/he live there with him? Why would your husband want to remove that person and have you take over? Is it cost issues?

I would think if neither grandfather can pay for his own caregiving, then Medicaid needs to get onboard and both grandfathers be placed in a continuing care facility. If not, have hubby quit his job and become both grandfather's caregiver himself.

Caring for your child comes first, absolutely, and is a full time job when special needs are involved. Grandfathers need to "man up" and accept hired help, or if that is not workable, assisted living. Who told these guys that they got to choose? No way! They need to exhaust all possible options before they even think of asking you to step in.

No, you don't have to take care of either grandfather. Tell your husband that he has to take care of them. That you are taking care of your child and yourself. This not getting enough sleep is not good. Sleep is important. Resign from the jobs. If husband won't do it then the men have to go to the NH. Not your job.