About 6 years ago, when I was 25, my father was trying to get on SSDI due to being unable to work because of his diabetes. At that time, he was having problems with his vision, but having multiple surgeries that were helping gradually. When I offered to let him stay with me, it was supposed to be temporary while he got back to getting around. Over that time period until now, I have seen him getting worse and worse. He used to grunt a little when putting on shoes, now he yells and cusses and has to use a pair of pliers to get them on.
Over these 6 years, he as gone from about 275 to over 400 lbs. He claims he isn't much over 300, but he can't even use his old scale, claims it doesn't work, yet I weigh the same on it as at the doctors. I have tried to make him eat better, however he will just call a delivery in if I don't have what he wants.
Over this time period, my epilepsy came back too, and now I am on SSDI, but am not yet eligible for medicare so i have to come up with large amounts to cover medications at times when patient assistance does not come.
My father is to the point he only leaves his computer chair to take a shower, go to the bathroom, go to the kitchen to grab food to take back to his computer and to go to bed. He also has sleep apnea and now he has come to the point that his CPAP is running 14 to 16 hours a day.
He came back from one of his appointments the other day and told me that I would have to help care for a wound on his foot. When I finally saw it, I researched it and found out it is a neuropathic ulcer, and as I have been dressing it, I have also noticed others forming, I told him about it and he ignored me, when it got 3 times bigger, he asked me about it, and then started picking at it. I told him not to mess with it. I immediately went and got some of my nitrile gloves as I keep them for cleaning, and my bottle of antiseptic soap, Hibiclens, that I used after my brain surgery last month and cleaned it. I tried to get him to put socks and shoes on also as I found out he should not be barefoot, plus his room has not been thouroughly cleaned since we moved in as he will not clean up after himself at all anymore, even when his dog has an accident in his room.
Now we started getting cockroaches and then a couple weeks after my brain surgery he clogged the kitchen sink again, I was unable to try to fix it for a week as i was still in severe pain, when I was able to get to it, it had water in it which caused mold which made me ill. I had to buy 2 drain snakes to clean it and have been doing nothing but cleaning house for the month since, all day long each day as I realized how messy he makes the house.
I had been in a bad depression which made things worse, but as I came out of it through my therapy and my medication, I started getting things back into shape. I have realized however how expensive cleaning and caring for him is getting, I had to spend almost 700 dollars in cleaning supplies this month, which is about all I get for disability, but realizing where he is at now I have to put a stop to it as best as I can. I have a bad feeling that he is not telling me things the doctor says, as he has had to have the surgery for Dialysis, and goes to the wound clinic 3 times a week, plus recently had to get a special shoe for his foot. I have a feeling that what is going to happen is that he will lose it soon as he also has a spot on his toe where the callus broke open and sometimes bleeds.
I have 3 siblings, all of which are married with a family, I was the one that ended up doing this, not that I was ever unwilling, but get no support at all and they have high income jobs. My doctors and my therapist are now telling me that I need to get out and have a life and it is someone elses turn to step up. I no longer know what to do, as I cannot make any decisions on him without the actual information from his dr appointments and how he is supposed to be treating himself. He refuses to give me access to any information and yet I have to do all of the decision making on the entire household.
Does anyone know of how to approach this kind of issue and what to do? I know there is a way to have him as medically invalid, however I know how he would feel towards me about it.