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Last year I didn't get to take my annual beach trip cause mom fell and was in rehab thereafter. That's my biggest concern about leaving a couple nights is she has history of falling. Every couple months or so. But I know you all know where I'm coming from with needing that break and fun time. Full time caregiver. Mom has lung disease, on oxygen full time, history of falls. Mother of teenage son, and current college student. My hands are full. I feel guilty for even wanting to take trip with my mom sick, however I need and want to be my best and not sure how when I have NO work/play balance. I offered to hire someone to stay with her, but she isn't having it. So could have someone check on her and get her the life alert system. Anyone been in this predicament?!? So difficult watching someone you love get sicker by the day. Mom is only 66. Thanks in advance for any tips or suggestions because I've been racking my brain trying to figure a way so everyone has their needs met. Including me. Thanks, and happy Friday!!

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Diannekk,
Your profile says that your mom's primary ailment is dementia. How advanced is the dementia? I agree that with a history of falls and being on oxygen, I would be concerned about leaving her unattended for even short periods of time. The misuse of oxygen due to cognitive decline, could be dangerous. Of course, you need respite time, but, I'd discuss her care and supervision with her doctor while planning where she'll be when you're gone.

Your mom may not be able to comprehend why it's prudent for her to have proper care while you take your respite time, but, it's just something that is mandatory for a caregiver, imo. You have to keep your own mental and physical health good, so you can in turn be there for her over time. It can go on for many years.

Sometimes, explaining, asking, pleading,.......just don't work, because they may not be able to process it. Other times, they are scared. She may rely on you so much, she can't bear to think of you not being there to care for her, even for a vacation. I'd take that into consideration and assure her that she will be cared for while you're gone.
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I appreciate your insight Barb. She is young, and I know your grateful to still be working full-time at 64. I know in my heart I won't be able to go, for fear of something happening. As her daughter it's my responsibility to make sure she is taken care of. So unless I find someone to stay with her like Shane suggested it will be impossible. Thanks for the kind and understanding words, Shane.
And Raylin it sounds like your doing a lot as a caregiver, and it's very appreciated even if your loved one can't communicate that to you. I love my Walmart trips as well. Retail therapy is great! I only wish I had many years left to caregiver for mom. I've been living with her nine years and her health went down hill three or so years ago. The doctor informed me last November that she has two or less years left from that point in time. Knowing doesn't help. It makes it worse. I want every minute to count and do feel selfish as h*ll for wanting to go to beach cause mom is far more important to me, and the ocean isn't going anywhere. It just is an intense soothing therapy for my soul that I haven't experienced any other way, so it's in God's will if I get there this summer, if not it's o.k. just try to make my mom as happy and comfortable as possible is my #1 priority. Family is, and always will be first. Thank you for your comments. It helps to have others insight, and input. Keloy
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I wish I had an answer for you - but I've been "glued to the hip" of my DH for more than a year now. I can't leave him for more than 30 minutes and not every day. He panics. Zoloft helped a lot with the panicking.

This won't help you but I console myself with the fact that at 95, I know his days are numbered and I'm in no hurry to be widowed. I "escape" into my computer games and more recently games on my tablet. I don't need a vacation as such, but I sure would love to be able to get to Wal-mart's again.

I hope you find your answer as your mother is still very young - you could easily have many more years ahead of you. It's not easy trying to juggle life like you are doing.
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Can you have a heart to heart talk with your mom about you having an opportunity to get away for a few days and if she would please accept having someone to come look after her while you get a break so you can relax and not be worried about her? I know my mom would be the same way yours is about outside helpers, so I understand how hard it that is. 
Any other family that can sleep over with her? Nieces, cousins, anyone? Any of her friends, church community, your friends that she knows and are willing to sleep over with her? I would still look into LifeAlert for her regardless if she tends to have falls. 
You need your beach trip. From your post you just had your son graduate and it should be a happy time for you. Nothing like feeling that ocean breeze for relaxation, for me, anyway. I hope it works out for you. Don't feel any guilt about wanting to take a trip at all! You'll come back feeling rested and ready to continue your caregiving role.
Good luck to you!
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66! Oh my, she is SO young! (I'm 64 and still working full time).

So, mom is so sick and getting sicker by the day (according to you), but according to HER doesn't need any looking after?

Have you talked to her doctor about what level of care she needs? And have the DOCTOR tell her what she needs to do while you're on vacation?

To my way of thinking, someone on O2 full time needs supervision, especially with a history of falls. Her lack of insight is also worrisome. Has she developed vascular dementia from the lack of Oxygen, do you think?

If you have someone "check in" once a day, what will you do if she ends up in the hospital? Will you have to come rushing back?
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