FIL has been given 6 mos but is fighting for one more surgery. His oldest, my hubby, is distracted from home and work and driving us crazy! Dad has been fighting heart disease for decades, and in the last 10 years has had bypasses, valve replacements and repairs, annurisms fixed, and probably 30 stents over his life. Currently has stage 4 CHF, pulmonary hypertension, pacer. diabetes, gout, but no kidney problems yet. Cardio gave him 6 mos, and Dad has been trying to get one more surgery (LVAD) to extend just a little longer He's not a transplant candidate, and has been turnred down for further surgery by 4 major medical centers. He's still trying to pull strings to get his surgery.
My husband has always given as his reasons for doing so much for Dad from 3 hours away, that Dad would not always be around, and we needed to have the kids know him. More recently, its been, this is going to be the last (holiday) he's going to have, so we need to do it right. I think he's been trying to earn his love all these years because my husband has done his own thing instead of following Dad's command for career, and Dad dotes and gives more time, money, and attention to the other son who obeyed. When I got into therapy, hubby did a little only to please me and said he did not need any (which I heard as was not ready for).
This Christmas visit was horrible. Hubby ignored what we would say to him, he would repeat himself to Dad, he would say stupid things that made Dad think these things were important to him, and I would not take being treated like a doormat so we argued.
It's time to end this charade - either live or die, d**mit!! How do I tactfully suggest to the wife that it's time for hospice so the (adult) kids can talk to the hospice counselors and deal with their grief? So Dad can stop stringing us along?