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In 1,000 way too brief characters. Living with us daughter and two month old son, 85 year old ill father, 95 year old Hospice pt. mother. Mother-in-law died after 4 years care. I am 61 burning out with feelings I don't like. Sometimes I wish it would end so I can have MY life back. I don't mean it and beat myself up for selfishly wanting it and not always stopping to entertain them. Blessed none are difficult. Hospice quit sanity saving16 hours of respite a week. I can't afford $1,000 a month for in-home care. We are only children responsible for all. At our age, they traveled the world having a ball. When is it OUR turn? We are caring for parents and grandchildren. Later I will HATE myself for these feelings, already do. Have NEVER been short or abusive, they can't help it. Mom doesn't want to be a burden, I assure her she's not, yet inside a voice screams, "Yes you are!!" How awful! Do others have such thoughts? How do you find peace on the roller coaster from hell? Thanks for help.

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First, you aren't alone in your thoughts. You may want to read this article:
https://www.agingcare.com/139321/

You are in a situation that requires super human efforts. I cared, over the course of twenty years, for a total of seven elders - at one time I had five dependent on me. I did make use of the best nursing home in my area which was just blocks from my home, since gradually each elder became so ill or frail I couldn't care for them at home (and couldn't have cared well for five of them, anyway). I still took care of most needs and was the advocate and daily visitor.

I hope you can get some type of respite help. Do you have a block nurse program in your area. Does the Area Agency on Aging cover your community? You can go to your state Web site and look under aging services or something similar. The will have a version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. Please do some looking on that site to see if you can get some help.

Best wishes. You are a saint.
Carol
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Thank you for your encouragement and excellent information. Deeply appreciate the words of advice. You are an amazing woman and certainly have been through it all. Much respect to you as a person and your family if fortunate and blessed to have you.

Much happiness and peace,
Sandy
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I can truly understand your worry and resentment, what starts out as a loving wish to do what is right, becomes a long term strain on the body and mind. What you are doing is not easy, and the feelings you have are not wrong. Everyone has to find their own answers of course, but it does help knowing that others have gone through and are going through what you are. You are right about that. at 60 my grandparents were driving all over the USA on post retirement vacations, granted earned but my mom is 62 now and tied to her hand to mouth job and her 89 year old father and looking after his, business, medical,physical, mental, emotional,nutritional well being, housing him in her own home and getting free elder care from me her 39 year old daughter, going on four years now, what most thought would be months....after grandma died.
Not only is it s tremendous strain and burden and irritation at times, but when they were confronted with this very possibility in their own lives they sent there parents (left alive) to nursing homes faster than you can say, un-fair!
All I can say is hang in there and take good care of your self, don't let it make you ill or crazy, you don't have to kill yourself for this to be a good person, you are already a good person for the decisions you made and your desire to help loved ones who can no longer care for themselves.
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Dear Manyblessings, You are not alone. There is a bunch of us out there who are in the same spot you are. I know alot of the time we ask "where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?" because that is how it feels. I myself have found books of christian inspiration to be very helpful. My situation doesn't change but my perspective does. Since my emotions can wear me down physically It is beneficial for me to change what my brain locks onto. I do think about the time when my husband and myself will have our lives back. My parents traveled alot and had a wonderful time in there lifetime as well. They never were caregivers. So hopefully after this present time in my life I will also be able to do what I enjoy. But that will come in time. As for now I want to do the right and responsibel thing. I want to stay the course and complete my task. I've been doing this for over 4 years and with Gods strength I can make it. Best wishes to you.
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