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How am I supposed to make my own life and money when taking care of my 97 year old in her home 24/7 to keep my siblings and others saying I am leaching off her? I never fully moved out from her home since she has no other family in the state. They are 2 and 6 thousand miles away. I tried to leave but I felt she needed some family near. So I have been either living with her or very near to her for over 30 years. In 2007 she was 95 years old and I was not with her 24\7 but was within a 15 minuet drive. That all changed when she fell down the stairs. I have not left her for more than 2 hours since. She just got over pneumonia. It took over 3 weeks of care by me. How am I supposed to have a income under these conditions? She has too much income for any agency to help and Dad was a veteran but not during war.

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YEOW!
I am so sorry. Your mother sounds like a bright, caring lady. You too!
I ache for both of you having to cry over something you couldn't anticipate.

My family might be similar.
Dad ran out of money 3 years ago. He had been living on $1,900 a month, plus 2 brother's financial support in an 'Active' senior facilty.
l recently I moved him to my home due to deteriorating health problems.

When Mom died of Ovarian Cancer 13+ years ago, I was there for Dad 24/7. We lived a mile away - 3 brothers other states.

Dad was Mom dependent & isolated. When their house sold my ex husband, step kids, friends & I spent 4 long weekends to clear it out & dipsoe of or re-home their stuff of 52 years of marriage.

Brothers were no help. The attorney brother made sure he visited first to grab anmything he thought was of finacial value.
Then vanished.
A year later my ex couldn't handle the weight of elder care & went off to seek a 'happier' life in his Mercedes Benz hard top convertible & new house on a lake.

Dad lives on ... with me. HE is bright & clever - but the brothers will never know him.
Their loss.
Boy - talk about sibling advice!!! My professional brothers KNOW IT ALL & dont hesitate to tell me all about how to care for Dad!
Hurts, huh?
Especially when I was advised I abused my Dad's money!

HA! If I'd been paid $1 an hour for the trips to the docs & ER, caring for him thru aortic anyrysms, broken bones, eye surgeries, arranging my home my house twice to accomadate ihs needs ... putting my business on hiatis until further notice ... I'd be able to retire.

Enough about me. YOU aren't alone on this site!
I'm new, but have hidden from Dad for a few hours & read other stories here which are as crazy as ours.

LADY ...I hurt for you! I thought brothers were insensitive but your sisters sound like those wicked women in Cinderella! Is it all about money with them? Do they call? Do they listen? Do they visit?
Are you alone?

Good luck *& I hope to hear more.

Cheers~
Rip
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Thanks you for the much needed input. My mother wants to stay in her home and I am preventing my sisters from putting her in a facility and selling the house and everything in it. It gets more complicated. I just got durable power of attorney changed over to me. I have always had it for health. When my sister had it, our family home went from paid in full to mortgaged. She also has her name on all bank accounts. To make matters worse, in 2005 both my sisters came to “visit” and told her she needed a will. Just about a month ago, Mom emptied the bank box. Her will was in it. She asked me to add some things to the list page. I read the will and saw that there were no provisions made for me since I had received various gifts previously. In other words, her will gave everything, even my tangible possessions to my sisters. When I stopped crying I asked her about it. She was very upset and also cried as that was never anything she wanted. She voided it, took away my sisters POA and gave it to me.

We are all on the house as joint tenants with rights of survivorship. In 2006 that sister gave up her interest in the house and gave it to me and my mother that other sister was going to do the same but has not. Mom asked me to make out a new will for her. She wants to divide everything that is hers equally. By law I have to be the executor. I guess if this is what she wants, I will make it so.

Take care and thank you for reading this.
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Tell your siblings that unless they're willing to take over her care, quit their *itching. And if they say they will, then good, let them.
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Does your mother have enough income to move into a nursing home? If not, she should qualify for Medicaid assistance. Ask a social worker at your hospital for information about where to start.
As far as your siblings go, it sounds like they have been perfectly happy having you do all the work for 30yrs. To keep them from "leaching off her" do you have Power of Attorney for both her medical and financial? If not, do this immediately.
My Mom is in the same boat: she often has a little too much income for some programs, but not enough to live in luxury or have lots of options. It stinks. You should not get to this point in your life and have to worry about health care or burn out your caregiver.
Take care of yourself. Have a paid caregiver come in once a week to give you respite (costs 19/hr in our town...well worth it)
I know how you feel. I am on the verge of burning out too.
Good luck,
Lilli
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