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I fear this means she should not be in house 24/7 alone. My sister is 82, undergoing 8 wks chemo and radiation....for lung cancer...lots of prayers needed. Her stubborn ways have seen her thru cancer three times and she has four daughters all involved. I am the warm body in the house when she is alone.......yet allowed no questions or input. I am 73 basically healthy except painful knee.......here is my question.....how do I support yet not hide things I see that they don't that I fear means she should not be in house 24/7 alone....I will be here 5 months when I return home as I fear losing my apt in fla where I live as it is hid and to lose means a 3 to 5 yr waiting list for another...I my family is spread from men to pa to fla but there are approx. 20 adult relatives here in her family while I have very little back up here and in Fla....my health is way better in fla then in north especially winters.ANY IDEAS.

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The most wonderful people are on this site. Thank you all so much for your support. Much help. I am kind of stuck once I go home due to 3 month limit of being away. Not sure if I will be held to year home since I have used up so much...maybe a week here or there's but my income is limited.....I know she is wanting the company but also wanting her house back as she calls it when other relatives have stayed to long. I can pray, on aging care stay....so I told her Jan 20th and she seems a bit more relaxed....though I have told her often i would not move here so she wouldn't fear I was just staying forever...thank you so much....I feel strongly decisions and her own acknowledgement of possibly not being able to go on alone in this very large house will come sooner if I go home. Thank you thank you thank you....and happy holidays to us all.
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Your sister is so lucky to have you, and so are her children. What you MUST do is see to your own state of affairs: your apartment and your health. Your big sister would want that. I think your nieces would, too. It's been easy for them to let you take care of their mother, because they haven't had to think about finding other ways. Once you make clear you have to go back to FL, they will find those other ways. What you say about having someone be with your sister 24/7 for a longer period is important. Be very candid with them about what you have witnessed. With my FIL, the children were in denial about how badly he was slipping, even though I could see it and kept bringing it up. It's painful to admit a parent is failing. Once the truth hit home, though, they sprang into action and are taking care of everything. You need to take care of yourself, and visit your sister as often as love moves you. Leave the caring for her in the capable hands of her daughters. They love you, too, and will want you to be secure and happy.
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Perhaps you can go home to take care of your own obligations and then plan a return visit a little further down the road? You can still support your sister and nieces through calls and letters. That was good advice about not getting the whole picture with quick visits. I know I do those weekly with my aunt. Then other times I spend a couple of days and see what's really going on. I can tell a lot with my checklist I run through each time but it doesn't make up for the comfort of having someone visit awhile. Your sister has been through a lot. When it's the oldest it is like losing a parent. They have always been there. It's good you have been able to visit and I'm glad you have the ability to give the nieces a lengthy notice. Safe travels.
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My sister has the personality that would say get out....the girls are spread thin getting her 20 miles into city mon thru fri for chemo and radiation, covering their own jobs and families .....I just told them I will leave Jan 20th .......that someone should move in 24/7 for awhile as popping in and out does not give whole pic. One is a widow who could spend nights, the others one retired could do days....this is my big sister who was always like a second mom to me......I really feel a stroke or her heart will take her before that.....she already had a blank eye issue so I hate to leave right now....where I live I'd h u d with rules for snowbirds must be resident 9 mos a year...apt. administration said this is extenuating circumstances but I have nothing in writing.......there are days when she is herself and we have more memories...this is just so hard....
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I agree with VegasLady. Make arrangements to go home and let the daughters know your concerns before you leave. Then it's up to them to take action or not. I'm sure they felt with you in the house their mother was safer.
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Tell them what you see and make sure you don't endanger your own living sutuation. Why wouldn't you speak up?
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