My father has been taken care of in our home for the last couple years. He has declined significantly this spring and has become unsafe to himself, us and our pets. He cannot be left alone anymore, which is unsustainable for our household. I have been in contact with local memory care facilities, and have picked a good option. I have no idea now, how to get my father safely into the facility. His father died at home from Alzheimers in the '50s. I don't know if he had a bad experience with a nursing care type facility back in that time frame, but he has always had a negative opinion of senior group living and has said that he would never go into a "senior living facility".
I truly believe he will do better once he settles in, I just don't know how to get him there calmly. The director of the center has made a couple suggestions that I don't think will hold water with him when the time comes.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.

We were straight up with my mother; the expenses were too great to keep her at home any more (we had home health workers coming in, but she eventually needed 24-hour care). Naturally, she didn't agree with the numbers, and she kept forgetting what we told her.
This past Monday: caregiver took Mother shopping for new shoes. Spouse met the movers and relocated the applicable furniture to the facility. Met with Mother for lunch; afterwards, drove to the facility. She knew something was up; she insisted on riding with the caregiver (who was on board with us).
It took two hours to coax her out of the car, which involved much cussing and cries of betrayal. The staff were helpful in that she behaved better with them than with us.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to SafetySarah

In the 50's adult care facilities were at best a horrible experience for many people. If your dad has a memory of this, he will have a bad impression and it may be a challenge to get him placed. However, if you discuss the problem with his PCP as to how unsafe he is to himself and others, qn evaluation could be done by a neurologist. This could benefit as if it is done in a hospital setting over a few days, then he could be transferred to a care facility or the one you have chosen. It is usually best when a doctor suggests than a family member when there is a situation where the elder doesn't want to do what us best for them as they don't feel there is anything wrong.
Good luck
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to thingsarecrazy8

Honesty now + future lie; you are taking a holiday, so he is too. (You can book a weekend away) so he needs to stay somewhere with people to assist him for now. (The lie is postponed for when you return 😔).

Some honestly + trickery; talk him into lunch out & a car ride..

Medical trickery; straight from hospital (if he is there for any reason as inpatient).

Big time trickery; drugs.

After witnessing the tears & tantrum my Mother put on for Dad to drive her to respite care the first time, I suggested a taxi next time. I guessed she wouldn't make as much fuss in front of a stranger. This worked better. If/when that fails, next is having the Doctor prescribe something. (I have thought about a blindfold, like leading a horse... Joking of course).
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Beatty

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