Follow
Share

Mom has moderate dementia, but doesn't understand there is no 'recovery' from it. She insists she is getting her memory back and doesn't need anyone 'babysitting' her. I need to have relief since I'm her primary caregiver and there with her 24/7. Any suggestions on how to introduce her to respite care is appreciated. It is going to happen no matter what, but I would prefer to use a more gentler approach if possible.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Don't let guilt stop you.
You will need to get time off from daily non-stop care giving.

The suggestion that you can use, aforementioned, is that YOU need
help with chores, blah blah, and perhaps stay home while hired person is
doing such.

Then, as the familiarity with paid caregiver increases, take off. 1.5 hours first time, 2, 3, half day.

Mom will be used to that, and it's a great help for you.
Some housekeeping done, and you gone even if you just
sit on a bench "people watching", or take a nap at one
of your friends or relative's home.

Recharge those batteries and go forward!

M88
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I would characterize this as getting her to accept outside help more than as respite care. Are you needing to be away several days or just several hours a couple of times a week?
You may be more apt to get her to agree to have someone in if you can find a label for them that doesn't include the notion that she can't stay alone. She might be more accepting of someone who is coming to help you (not her) do some light cleaning, or someone to help with meals (once again, to help you because you will be tired after your day away). Alternatively, some people have great success bringing their loved ones to a senior's centre or adult day care fore a couple of days a week. And as Cap says, if you are there the first few times she will be less apprehensive and may be more accepting when you are not there.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

even if shes wistfully claiming shes getting better , she probably sees you as her life line . if anyone else is introduced into your small circle you should maintain firm control of the environment . you dont turn her over to someone , you warily permit them to get close enough to assist .
for example . while on hospice it was suggested that my mother might enjoy the comraderie of day care . mom told me that she wasnt ruling it out but the way she envisioned it , i would attend with her at least initially and be prepared to wisk her out of there at her first moment of discomfort .
so this example explains my " lifeline / protector " theory perfectly ..
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This is a difficult dilemma and one that I see in my geriatric care management practice frequently. I agree with the other comments and it is good that you are hiring in home help to provide some relief. Doing what you can to make sure a care provider is a good fit can help as well. Negotiate a short period of time and then add more time as she becomes more comfortable. And hopefully she will get more comfortable!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thank you all for your input. I'm looking to get in home respite care for mom. I need time away a couple days a week to look for a nursing home, get VA information and take care of my own personal health issues. Mom also feels that I should go back to my own home since she is 'getting better' so to ask her to do it for me, her response would more than likely be, go home! I have someone coming in tomorrow that I'm planning on hiring but will still appreciate any suggestions. Thanks again!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Has she had any outside caregivers or just you? If she's reluctant at the outset you might need to tell her a white lie and say the house needs some repairs and so it's just a temporary move rather than you need a break from her
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I agree with cwillie! And try telling her it's going to make YOU feel better if she's not alone....you'll be able to relax knowing that someone will be making sure she's not lonely and has her meals made for her, etc. We used that type of approach to Dad that Mom needed to move to "independent/assisted" living - for her, he went willingly.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Are you taking her to an AL for a respite stay? If so you could try to spin it as a holiday for her while you are on your own holiday. Get a schedule of all the activities, meals etc and talk up how much fun it will be to do new things and meet new people.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.