I need suggestions on how to deal with and communicate with my 2 angry, elderly parents.

This behavior is very ingrained. I'm not sure I would anticipate that they will change, regardless of what you night say, but probably get worse as long as they are able to talk.

Do either or them take medication for depression/anxiety? That might help, but I think I would inform them they need to make arrangements for their care and a time line of when you would be leaving. I'd find a place to move first. Unless you need to live with them for financial reasons. If you cannot afford to move out, then I would try to find a job and then move out. becoming a caregiver for person who once abused you is very concerning. I can't imagine it.

Do you really think that if you tell them how you feel that they will change their behavior and the way they interact? Do you think they would attend therapy to get help with their behavior? At this stage of their life, I think it's highly unlikely.

I might attend individual counseling, since there seems to be pain from the abuse in your childhood. I wish you the best.

I tried sitting down with my mom yesterday talking to her calmly and she started screaming "I can't help how you feel!!" She screams, doesn't discuss. I know they will only get worse. My dad is bipolar with rage impulses. was diagnosed back in the 70's and has been on anti-psychotic medications since. My Mom explained (while yelling) that there's NOTHING wrong with her. That "I'm" the CRAZY one. I am being treated for depression and see a counselor who advised me to come up with a plan to find my own place asap. I just moved to their town recently and don't have a job yet. Moving out at some point when I have a job.. They are both mobile, can drive cook etc so i wonder why I am even here. My mom called me 3 months ago saying she needed help with Dad. He has parkinson's and anger but still gets around ok most of the time. Its just all the daily anger. I have started leaving the room when they start fighting.. Is just walking away the best thing? I am miserable.

I'm wondering why you are there too. Find a new place to live, somewhere close enough to check on them occasionally, and move on with your life.

Yes, walking away is the very best thing to do and finding your own place is the long-term solution. At their ages and being married as long as they have been, they have their own "scripts" that you are NOT going to change. So save yourself! I'm glad you're seeing a counselor - keep that up. Just protect yourself as much as you can for as long as you live with them. And get away from them as soon as you can.

mic, my mother did the same with me. She asked me for about 10 years to come home because they needed help. Each year she said that they probably wouldn't see another year. I finally did move in six years ago. Since then it has been daily anger. I know what you are living with. I know that we can't change them. I suspect that your mother may have mental problems that she has hidden by saying your father was the crazy one. Now you're the crazy one. You sound pretty sane to me. With all the upset in the house, you might not stay sane long. It sounds like they could live many more argumentative years. I think your plan to move out when you get a job is excellent. The longer you are there, the harder it will be to get away. Right now sounds like the best time, since they don't seem to need you that much. Run!

Wishing you lots of luck finding a job so you can move.

Mic, where did you move from? Did you leave a good job because mom asked you to come home?

I'd look for work opportunities nearby, but not too close. It doesn't sound like your mom is going to get cooperative overnight. She sounds quite stressed, and almost certainly depressed, as you point out. You are smart enough to recognize your depression.

Learn about setting boundaries with your parents, and about FOG ( fear, obligation and guit)

I moved to a little town in west Tennessee from Nashville. I had a basic barely above minimum wage job I hated and when she asked me to come home I thought it might be good to live with them a while while I found a new job and saved up a little. I wish now I had just stayed there till I had a new job lined up. I never anticipated it would be so difficult to be here with them. My 1st priority is to gain employment and move some place I could afford. I'm only here at this point because of finances. I really thought she needed me more than she really does. She complains to me about how dad mistreats her and I offer up suggestions but she seems fueled to complain. I feel I am a sounding board and nothing else. Thanks everyone for the replies