Caregivers do need help to relieve stress and may find themselves in the yelling/guilty cycle as I do. I notice that often people recommend getting a caregiver, adult daycare, assisted living, memory care or friends to help relieve caregiver stress. The first few are very expensive and might end up being more stressful financially. It is assumed the loved one would go along. Also, some of us have friends with their own health issues (my best friend’s husband has cancer, another COPD, another has just been blinded by eye operation, another is helping her daughter who has young children and needed a cochlear implant, another has a husband with Alzheimer’s and was just diagnosed with breast cancer herself.) As far as close relatives go, my 85 year old sister needs help herself with atherosclerosis, A-fib and UBS. My 82 year old brother was just in the hospital after getting COVID which kicked off A-fib and he has atherosclerosis. His wife just had heart surgery. Adult children live at a distance and have small children and jobs. My sister-in-law just had eye surgery for cancer and another lives miles away with heart issues herself. The only relief when I start yelling is to try to go into another room and breathe and that is just a brief solution.There are others on this site in similar positions so the site is a blessing as is journaling (complaining). Any other suggestions to stop losing my temper with my spouse who can drive me crazy.
I think that's where a lot of caregivers go wrong, and why they lose their temper more easily. They don't take the necessary time for themselves and do things that they enjoy. It all becomes about the one being cared for, and that is dangerous in so many ways. I myself had to learn that lesson the hard way as most caregivers do.
That is why the mortality rate is 63% higher for caregivers than non caregivers, and why 40% of caregivers caring for someone with dementia will die before the one they're caring for, from stress related issues.
Oh and I forgot the most important thing. Get involved in a local caregiver support group(yes, they're free)either in person or on Zoom. Mine literally saved my life when I was at my wits end while caring for my husband. There is nothing better or more helpful than being able to share with others who know and understand exactly what you're going through.
And of course last but not least, your loved one may need to be placed in the appropriate facility, where you can get back to just being a loving spouse and not the caregiver. And if money is an issue, then you'll have to apply for Medicaid.
There will come a point when you'll have to not only do what is best for your spouse but for you as well.
I wish you the very best.