Suggestions for relieving caregiver stress?

Take a walk inside or outside, sit outside(weather permitting)and enjoy the beauty of the outdoors with perhaps a glass of wine(or drink of your choice)too, go to church, go to lunch or supper with a friend, go shopping, read a good book, just to name a few. And yes I did all of the above while I was caring for my husband. It helped keep me more calm overall, and reminded me that I mattered too.
I think that's where a lot of caregivers go wrong, and why they lose their temper more easily. They don't take the necessary time for themselves and do things that they enjoy. It all becomes about the one being cared for, and that is dangerous in so many ways. I myself had to learn that lesson the hard way as most caregivers do.
That is why the mortality rate is 63% higher for caregivers than non caregivers, and why 40% of caregivers caring for someone with dementia will die before the one they're caring for, from stress related issues.
Oh and I forgot the most important thing. Get involved in a local caregiver support group(yes, they're free)either in person or on Zoom. Mine literally saved my life when I was at my wits end while caring for my husband. There is nothing better or more helpful than being able to share with others who know and understand exactly what you're going through.
And of course last but not least, your loved one may need to be placed in the appropriate facility, where you can get back to just being a loving spouse and not the caregiver. And if money is an issue, then you'll have to apply for Medicaid.
There will come a point when you'll have to not only do what is best for your spouse but for you as well.
I wish you the very best.

You know, I am not seeing anything other than placement at some point. I cannot know how often you are experiencing extreme stress, but I can suggest keeping a diary, rating your days by 10% to 100% in level of stress, and keep track. At some point this simply cannot be done at home with your maintaining physical and mental health. Without those two, how will you continue caring and where will your husband be without your support?
I wish I had a magic wand. If anyone can find answers it would be you, and you have been unable to. I hope that others have better ideas than my own.

Here's what I think (you may not like this answer). The person who can single-handedly provide 24/7 care for a dependent elder for an extended timeframe is a rare bird. I know I couldn't. My husband and I cared for his mother for a short time at the very end of her life and even that short experience was enough to tell me I am not one of the few people on this Earth capable of doing it alone. It took both of us and even that was difficult. (She had cancer, not dementia.)

This means that if a person has no support from family and no financial means to pay for help, they will at some point have to take advantage of the resources our tax dollars provide and place the person in professional care. I wish we as a society could turn from the assumption that "anyone should be able to do it" and realize that very few are cut out for this.

I wish you peace with this difficult road you're on.

If you are a yelling person, do you enjoy singing? I’m sure this will sound a bit silly, but I sing away a lot of stress. And singing is so much more socially acceptable. Not sweet, melodic stuff. Roar some hard rock. Growl some blues. You should have seen the jaws drop when I nailed the screech in Alice Cooper’s “Under My Wheels”.

Mindfulness exercises are free.
Our own Lealonnie, who is dealing with quite a full plate right now, is the one I believe who asks us to ask ourselves "Right now, in this moment, what exactly is a dreadful emergency in my life". You could also ask yourself "Right now, what exactly can I address, even in a small way".
Try to avoid circular stewing where you stir the contents of it all around and around in a circle, never getting anywhere at all but the same old problems.
My heart goes out to you. Anxiety is often the worst of it in these situations.

You can have your assets split. His split going to his care than Medicaid gets applied for. When he starts collecting Medicaid you become the community spouse and remain in the home, have a car and part or all of your monthy income to live on. See an elder lawyer to split ur assets.

You mentioned journaling. I have journaled for years. My therapist suggested this to me. I find it to be helpful to put our thoughts down on paper. We can also track our progress as we move forward.

A favorite thing for me is listening to music. You can also listen to unabridged books. There are tons of podcasts on a number of topics that are worth listening to as well. Music especially is therapeutic and enjoyable.

You can check out books from the library, read blogs of interest to you, short stories when you are in the mood for a quick read.

Watching a silly comedy is always a stress buster. Nature shows are relaxing. Wild life photography is absolutely beautiful. I love to cook so I enjoy some of the cooking shows also.

Exercise is good if you can muster up the energy to do so. It releases endorphins and you will feel better. Even just a short walk is nice.

Going outside to connect with nature. Flowers always make me smile. We have gorgeous ‘live oak’ trees in our area. I always marvel at beautiful trees.

Water has always been calming for me. I enjoy looking at the sailboats on the lakefront, walking along the river front or feeding ducks in the bayou. Taking a hot bath or shower is relaxing too.

I don’t know if you enjoy doing any craft projects. I like to make jewelry, sew and make wreaths and other decor for the holidays.

So, my ideas for preventing losing your temper with your spouse would be finding a distraction for awhile.

Best wishes to you. I hope that you will be able to find time to do something fun just for you very soon.

HI, KathleenQ:

Sorry your husband is suffering at age 78 which is young in longevity. He requires placement in memory care now since he may live a long time with Alzheimer's disease. Don't do his caregiving any more, because you may neglect your health and end up dead ahead of him. So please place him in a facility. You can visit him as his wife instead of a careiver in a death spiral. That's what help is for, to save yourself. That also goes for your other loved ones.

If money his runs out with his funds, none of yours, it spends down to Medicaid elibility.

As with you, I'm solo. My ex husband is dead, my only sibling is dead, my father is dead. My two adult children are living wonderful lives and though they do come over and visit, I refuse to ask them to take on any part of this caregiving thing because it's not their responsibility.

It's only 10:27 am and I have already done some screaming in my kitchen after coming downstairs from helping my mother with yet another bathroom visit.

Even though her hearing aids are not in at the moment, I suppose she can hear me screaming to some degree. But the was always a screamer - screamed at me most of my life growing up for this or that. Screamed at my dad as well. Never screamed at my now deceased brother who was the love of her life. Nevertheless.....

Interesting what this journey has done to me. As a child and most of my adult life I have been non-confrontational, quiet, introverted and patient by nature. Groomed to be a pleaser which in turn obtained parental approval and acceptance, which I craved.

Now as a 63 year old caregiver for my mother (who lives with me because of a promise that she asked me to make to her - and being a pleaser, I promised), I've become angry, frustrated and resentful.

I did quite well until about 2 years ago when the whole thing began to grind me down after I lost my daily sitter to Covid and my job that I loved. I've been limping along ever since.

I no longer read the "take care of yourself" stuff because it's ridiculous to me. I do have private sitters who come for a few hours each week to give me a break and would have more if I could find more. (I just lost a sitter to her real estate business.)

So yes, the anger/guilt cycle is alive and well in my heart and mind. I wish I had some golden kernel of advice to offer but I don't. I pray a lot, I try to take things one day at a time, I try not to give in to the "why me" thoughts, I try to get outside every day for as long as possible, I try to exercise every day.

However, I have given in to the sadness, loneliness and depression that is a part of this season for me.

Blessings to all.

Contact the Area Agency on Aging that serves the county where your loved one lives. Just search for Area Agency on Aging, ____ county, state. This will get you to their contact number. There is a Respite Care program that will enable you to bring someone in periodically to provide you with some relief. They can also help you find additional help from local affordable resources.