Dad and I are new to incontinence, and it is DEFINITELY challenging.
My biggest issue is trying to deal with the fact that Dad is really struggling with acceptance of this change. Part of me thinks that, and the other part of me thinks that his dementia makes it hard for him to understand exactly what's happening.
He gets so embarrassed when he has accidents (always bowel accidents) and thinks I'm going to be upset. I try to reassure him, but he gets angry.
...and the biggest obstacle is still his insistence on trying to use the bathroom on his own. I've already posted about him not realizing that there's no hole in the incontinence briefs, attempting to "whip it out" and misplacing it (meaning he leaves it hanging out the bottom of the briefs and ends up wetting himself).
He also thinks he has to go when he doesn't so he strains which causes a bowel accident.
Or he will try to manipulate very dirty undergarments on his own leaving quite a muddy mess.
I've tried to double brief him. I've added extra padding to "catch" some of the fecal matter. I've even put padded incontinence boxer briefs on top of the traditional ones with hopes that it's so hard for him to get into his pants that he will just give up... EPIC FAIL.
I'm sure it's VERY hard for someone without cognitive issues to grasp that they need to "go" in their pants. The dementia makes it worse. We've been trying to do a schedule with Dad, but he refuses to go on schedule.