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Dad has been very forgetful - unsure of time of day, gets lost driving, etc.
At neurologist memory tests showed a decrease in memory etc since last visit six months ago. Wanted to know if anyone had success getting keys/car away from parent without forcibly taking them.......?? He thinks there is nothing wrong with driving...we are worried will get in accident and hurt himself, others, or both.

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I took the folks to the DMV for ID cards, was worried the entire time Dad would think he was getting a new drivers lic. Thank goodness he was clueless! But at least this way he some ID with his address on it if he gets "misplaced"
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You can trade your father's drivers license for an I.D. card at the DMV in your state for free. You can also have your father's doctor write a prescription for no driving.
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Anonymous calls to the DMV in many states, won't do it. In NY we had to fill out a form, sign it in front of a Notary and only then will DMV act on it.
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When I took dad for his results from his Neuro, they told us he could not drive anymore, and they were going to report it. He was not even on the chart anymore We made him stop driving, but they never did report it, I know this because we got a renewal app from the state of PA 6 months later. This horrified me, I mean we knew he couldn't drive but the Expert didn;t even bother to follow up and report it? So don't count on the medical experts to report him...Do it yourself or take on your self to make him stop. My MIL had had several accidents, but no diagnosis ( it;s obvious she has some form of dementia at 89) Thank goodness someone at the DMV noticed.. said she had "trembling" and needed an on the road test. She never went back and we are very glad for this
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When we realized it was time to take the keys away from our 80 yr old mother because of her Macular Degeneration she scoffed of course but then we asked her optometrist if he knew she was driving. He said NO she shouldn't be driving - she's blind in one eye and has no peripheral vision in the other. We took the keys but she never let us forget it. I can imagine how bad it feels to have someone take away your freedom, even if you only drive to the store, doctor and gas station... still you can hop in a car and go. We felt bad about it but we kept thinking how would we feel if she hurt someone or she was hurt in an accident?
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Yes Z the thinking someone is in the house is normal. My mom will ask where is the other girl that was just here. Or she never said I had to stay up...? Who is she? You know! She get paranoid that I am trying to give her meds she doesn't need or she won't cooperate because I am being mean to her...or my favorite...I never dreamed you would treat me like this. Those kind of comments just need to roll off your back...they are not themselves...even though I do believe all the bad character traits she had have become amplified. Just tell him it is okay you fixed it so they can't get in and if they do the police will know and come help. It sounds like he need extra care...If he is living by himself or with someone who can't care for him...you need to consider other options...it sounds like it is time.
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This is the latest development I'm having to deal with. I reported to my mother's neurologist last week that I was worried that she was still driving, and hoped that he'd intervene. Within a few days, I received the evaluation/re-exam forms from the DMV, so it's obvious that he did, and I'm very glad about that.
I completed my mother's portion of the paperwork because she's no longer able to, and gave the other forms for the doctor to complete and turn in.
I feel good about having followed through to this point, but what awaits me is really keeping me up at night, giving me stomach aches, etc. My mother is in complete denial about her increasing limitations, and is also narcissistic. She will NOT accept this, and I dread having to be involved. I'm going to have to take more time off of work to handle her b.s., as well as taking the car away. I'll have to involve my husband which I don't like to do, because we'll need to come down in my car, and he'll have to drive hers away. God, she will be a nightmare. She is not a nice person, to put it mildly.
I'll also need to put companion/home assistance services into place for her -- which I'm actually glad about. She's refused all assistance, but if she has no car, then she'll need someone to come by several times a week. She is NOT doing well-seems to forget and/or not comprehend ANYthing. And her default attitude is contempt, bitterness and/or envy for anyone she thinks has whatever it is she thinks she wants. When I'm around her I always feel somehow pressured to feel guilty for being in good health, still able to drive, etc. It's awful.
I should allot at least one day off after it's all done, just to stay in bed with the covers over my head...
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Update on trying to get 92 year old dad to stop driving. Have contacted neurologist and the paperwork is underway. In MA a family member can report their dementia but better coming from doctor. Also found out today that Police can issue an immediate order to have them stop driving. This is after police came to my house to tell me that dad had called them about someone breaking in.....absolutely no evidence of this ... and he has complained of people being in the house (hearing people talking)...is this also a problem with those with dementia??
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lol. we dropped the circuit breaker on aunt ednas electric range today. im going to blame gwb, he deserves all the hate mail he can get..
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take the rag joint out of his steering column. he can turn the wheel 200 turns but he'll still take a short drive into the fence..
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Check with DMV for your state. There is probably a form for the doctor to fill out and be submitted to DMV. Also, look into whether you can report this to DMV. Virginia has an excellent law which says that a 1st degree relative can report their concerns to DMV and the driver will be called in for a driving test. The name of the informant will not be revealed.
If your state law is not terribly helpful, do something to disable the car.
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My husband's geriatrician told him, gently but firmly, that she was required to report his dementia diagnosis to DMV and that his license would be revoked. Several days later we got the letter revoking his license. I fervently wish every medical professional would take this responsibility. That doesn't make it easy for the patient, but at least they know that their family is not responsible.

Of course family members have contacted the DMV when the doctor fails to. Of course we inform the insurance companies. It is absolutely critical that a person with dementia not be allowed to put the lives of others in danger.

Getting lost is the least of the problems with demented driving. There is slowed response time. There is momentary loss of memory (which pedal is the brake?) There is diminished judgment. Allowing someone with these impairments to drive is irresponsible. Yes, Dad will be angry and depressed. But you have to do what you have to do. I am so sorry.
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Thanks for info about license, I will look into it.
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No his license is not valid. Check your state DMV. Once a doctor says you can't drive, your license is suspended. Borrow the car and don't bring it back. He will be very angry, might even call the cops, but that's the way it has to be. If he kills someone, they can sue all of you for not stopping him.
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Thanks for your suggestions. Dad was there when doctor told him not to drive....says she doesn't know what she is talking about. He went out today much to my chagrin.....has anyone ever contacted the registry or the insurance company? His license is valid until Sept. 2015!!
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Great idea Texarkana. We told my dad that it was getting hard for us to even drive because of people texting and not paying attention.
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I know in order to get my grandmother out from behind the wheel my father removed some part that has to do with the ignition.We just kept telling her we would get the car fixed and started driving her wherever she had to go. She had already had to many close calls with her driving and she did not have the right to hurt other people. Not being able to drive anymore is a big deal, it really is the start of many other things they will no longer be able to do independently.
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When we took my moms license and keys I explained that the doctor said she couldn't drive anymore. She said he never told her. So next visit I asked the doctor if she could drive or be left alone? He said NO! I said could you write orders for that. He took out his script pad and wrote that she couldn't drive or be left alone...I used to show it to her and it helped. Made him the bad guy.

Now when I take my parents places though it is on MY schedule...
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Or he may never get in an accident. It's tough call, but I noticed you posted that your Dad gets lost while driving, is that a regular thing or just once in a great while?.....

Why I asked is that my Dad is also 92 and he stopped driving 5 years ago because of failing eyesight. So that means I have been driving him and Mom everywhere [I'm an only child] and that has me burnt out. I even lost a great full-time job because of all the time I was taking off for all the places my parents needed to be driven. Don't want you to be in that loop unless you have other relatives who can help.
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