My husband and I are living with my mother-in-law here in nj. My mother-in-law owns the 3 family house.My husband and I are living on the 2nd floor and she is staying on the first floor. My husband has 2 sisters. One of his sisters used to live where my mother-in-law is living right now, which is on the first floor. The third floor is vacant and this is where my mother-in-law used to stay until we asked my sister-in-law to leave so her mother can stay on the first floor. My husband told her sister and family that they can stay on the third floor but she refused to do that because at that time she had 2 hips replacement. My mother-in-law is 91 now had a stroke last year and is on the wheelchair for the rest of her life. We used to have 2 caregivers but now we could hardly afford a full-time caregiver. I work in the midnight shift and I ended up working as a full-time caregiver and the caregiver that we hired works only for 2 days a week because that is the only amount of money we could pay her. My 2 sister-in-laws never visited nor call their own mother to see how she is doing. I am exhausted right now because when I come home from work and I am the one in charge of the caregiving I still would not be able to sleep because I have to bring her to the bathroom and give her a whole body sponge bath since I can not give her a bath everyday because she weighs 50 pounds more than me. Aside from this I have to give her breakfast and wash her stuff that she used the night before. My husband works early morning and he does not come home the latest 4 p.m. I just do not know what to do anymore. I keep on fighting or having some arguments with my mother-in-law almost everyday now and I really do not want this to happen but ahe always starts it. I told my mother-in-law if I am the one taking care of her just be quiet because everytime she opens her mouth what comes out are all complaints. That I am doing everything wrong. Before I forget I had a tear on my left shoulder because of this and now it got worst and I have a frozen shoulder. My husband does not want to touch her to clean her up and that she only wants me to do it for her. My question is what is the advice you could give me regarding my sister-in-laws and can I sue them? .

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I can't help with whether you can sue, but maybe I can give some insight on the complaining. Could it be your mil sees your exhaustion, knows money is tight, and wants reassuarance you will not abandon her. Maybe her complaints is how she expresses her fear. I take care of my 91 year old Dad who has parkinson's. When he is complaining it is because i am not listening. It took months and a therapist to discover what he wants is dignity, my respect, and doing it his way. Whether its putting on the shirt before the pants or refusing to take a shower, he has intelligent reasons for his decisions. When i learned to listen and give that respect we come up with solutions. A sponge bath rather than a shower, etc

Thank you for being such a wonderful loving person. What your doing is so generous, loving, and special.
Helpful Answer (1)

Aside from the house, does your mother own any assets? What is her income? I am wondering if she would be eligible for any home-care assistance. Have you looked into it? For example, could you get a person in to give MIL a bath? If you have not already, I would definitely look into what might be available. And if MIL has too much income or assets to qualify, then I would think those funds should be used for her care. Placing all of the physical day-to-day care on you is not good.

I suppose if you have money to pay a lawyer you could sue your sisters-in-law, but I'm not sure for what, or that you'd win. Would you try to force them to each contribute financially to support your mother-in-law? Do they have resources to do this, if you did win?

Was your sister-in-law paying rent for the bottom level when she was evicted?

Could the third level be rented out now, to provide additional income for MIL's care?

If MIL moved to an assisted living facility and the three levels of her property were rented out, could she afford the ALF?

It sounds like the present situation is just not workable. Somehow I don't think suing the daughters is the answer.
Helpful Answer (0)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter