Such a bad retail experience - anyone else? How to deal with it?

Hi Lisa - since this "chair" issue had gotten you so mad, I think you're right that "depression and anxiety are doing a number on you" - as you said. I think depression or anxiety can cause any small annoyance to be blown out of proportion - so it's important to put it into perspective and step away from the situation and take some power back.

I personally think you'd be better off to politely call the salesperson and try to negotiate the "service fee" into the total cost, due to your budget constraints - probably there's also some sales tax included in his figure. Or, you can call the store owner/manager to see if they'll make adjustments on the cost - I definitely wouldn't complain about the sales person - it's so not worth it. Keep positive energy onto others and it'll return back to you. And if there's a service they're providing, like assembling the chair, then that is separate from a delivery charge. Small stores have some flexibility on pricing.

But again - you're talking about a chair - it's just as easy to go on Amazon to find a zillion other similar models, as a back-up - and then your problem is solved.

The bigger issue isn't the chair - it's just not sweating over the small stuff and understanding the difference...and learning to make concessions along the way.

Lisa, maybe this should have been posted to discussions.

I have worked retail and it was up to me to make a buyer aware of all charges. I have never heard of a service charge when buying off the floor. What service are they providing other than providing delivery which u were told was free? If this is a chain, I would complain to the Corporate office in writing. If privately owned, to the owner. May not get anywhere with them but may make u feel better.

So, I sympathize with u.

@Itsme

It's not an attack.
It's a sincere suggestion to OP, to be careful. It's my sincere suggestion that she should work hard and create a life.

It's my sincere opinion that she indeed plays the victim, and has a habit of criticizing others, again and again, so she can feel "I'm better than them". It's an attitude that won't help her in life.

Not pointing that out, would be ENABLING her, encouraging her to continue down the hole.

@David
"You also like playing the victim, over and over."

I agree. OP, I think you're not able to get sympathy and attention from real-life people, because they see you and can see the full picture of what's really going on with you. So you prey on the internet, where no one knows you, trying to get sympathy and attention. You can invent whatever you like, mixing facts and fiction.

About your fictitious scenario on your negotiation job/China/US deal...
That's NOT how negotiations are made.

I also think you're bored. You're probably bored quite a lot of the day.

Word hard. Create your own life.

I guess you also still haven't done something nice for your vulnerable, sick friend?

Lisa,

There are a couple of threads on this forum called, On My Mind and General Topics. Plenty of people chat about random topics all the time.

If you want to chat casually without making a post of your own. I am sure that you will get responses from people.

Oh, and if you like to cook or enjoy jokes you can lurk on. What’s for dinner or Jokes for the caregiver.

There’s also, “My Whine Moment today.” What’s Yours?

Feel free to drop by any of these sites to casually discuss random stuff.

Good luck finding a nice chair for your dad.

Look in the search bar to find the threads.

Retail isn't a caregiver issue, and I think you need help. I don't think you have anxiety.

Lisa, wishing you luck at your appointments this week!

Lea, such a wise response.

I can relate. I've gone to the E R numerous times with panic attacks. It's no joke. I've learned to recognize the symptoms and can control my thinking now when it happens. But when it happens it truly sucks.

I agree with Lea Lisa. Maybe you are trying to deflect from your own issues by having issues with retailers etc. I'm not trying to diminish your experience with that particular retailer. I'm sure what you said happened and you have a right to be angry.

I haven't followed your posts on here closely enough to know what others are referring to re: your anger with others. But maybe consider that dealing with your own emotions over your father and brother would help you. I know cause I think I do the same. I've had anger over my siblings ever since my mom's death and I realize that I need to let it go and try to deal with why I'm still angry over it 8 years later. They don't know I'm angry still and if they did they wouldn't care. It's me that I have to deal with now. Not them.

Lisa, you need to look at things differently now. Your father is living in AL and well cared for, safe, fed, doctored. Alive and well, albeit aging, as we all are. You are not coping with the fact he's okay now, with or w/o your help, and the job you saw yourself having isn't very "real" anymore. Yet you are still part of dad's life forever!

You are admittedly feeling alone, physically sick, dizzy, hyperventilating (it sounds like) and showing all the signs of anxiety/panic attacks which is no joke, and requires medical attention.

I can tell you "Dads Fine" till the cows come home but YOU have to feel it in order to calm down. Sometimes we need help in that department. Drugs, counseling, therapy, etc. You've been posting here for quite some time with tons of suggestions to get counseling for the little things that have been bothering you and building up, up UP and now to seek medical attention for panic attacks which can bring you to the ER thinking you're having a heart attack. Been there/done that.

This isn't about a chair with a surcharge that's irritating you. The chair is the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back and brought you here to post again about a "trivial matter" you could easily write off but aren't able to do due to anxiety. Because it's now time to get help to see past the small stuff here and into the bigger picture of what's really going on with Lisatrevor. Fears of death, losing dad, being alone in life, we all arrive at that stark place eventually and have to face it.

If not now, when? We may understand why you post as you do. What is not as understandable is why you haven't sought out help for what's ailing you? Dad will die eventually no matter what, it's the cycle of life. Where will YOU choose to be emotionally when that time comes, is the question? Your default future, should you choose to do nothing, looks bleak and that's scary to me.

Please choose to care for YOURSELF now bc dad's fine and so is your brother.

You've been a good offspring to the man. A good sibling to your brother, too. Bc you've cared and you've tried. That's all we can do as humans; our best, working within our own limitations.

These are the words of support we come to Agingcare to hear.

I truly hope you hear them tonight. You deserve to.

Wishing you the best.

It is a "support group" and one that has helped me. It has been difficult essentially losing my father's input in my life. I lived many years on my own far away from my father. In the late 80's and early 90's before the internet phone calls were fairly expensive so we talked maybe once a month! We actually sent letters in the mail back then, too! But after I cared for him for many years it's been difficult the last few months. Harder than anytime in my life.

This group has made me see that I have my own life, too, and now I'm trying to get into a sort of "new chapter" that will be enjoyable to me. I'm truly alone now and at this time in my life it's not that scary but it's making me feel physical sick. I'm getting dizzy at times and taking huge deep breathes often to calm me down. I probably look like a mental case in public. I almost want to cry going into the shops me and my father used to go often. It breaks my heart to know that this is a later stage of life for us both and there's no going back. That's just how I feel. I had many great years and nothing to complain about but this? This has been like a type of hell. So I hope you understand why I post like I do.

Lisa, you negotiate prices for a living yes? (I take it that you're a commodity broker or trader).

Yes, report to BBB, but try your usual negotiating tactics.

Do you have the make and model of the chair? Can you find it online?

BBB

Yes, There's always those hidden charges. I think they wait till you are totally sold on the purchase and then figure you've decided and will just go ahead with it even with the extra charges.

🙁🙁🙁🙁 OP, please pay attention.
I post this here again:

1.
You enjoy talking badly about other people and their faults. It can be your brother, it can be anyone. If you don't criticize your brother, you'll criticize another person (like suddenly mentioning that rich woman). You criticize so that you can give a compliment to yourself.

People who enjoy talking badly about other people tend to do that their whole lives, and NON-STOP. It makes them feel better about themselves.

I hope you won't be like that your whole life.


2.
Do something good.
Take care of your friends from the past. Friendship isn't just about meeting new people. It's also about re-kindling old friendships. Not discarding them, when they're no longer useful. Today, do something nice, unexpected, for your vulnerable, sick friend.