My bf and I are both 21. His parents were in and out of his life, (now both have passed) and was raised by his grandma. He’s lived with her all his life. He became her caretaker at 18 getting paid through the state. He cares for her 24/7 and only gets paid 300 a week.
He claims he can’t get a job, not even night shift because she needs 24/7 care. We went to a gas station in a good area that needed night shift people and he turned it down. Saying it was too far and he’d have to get on the highway everyday…. it’s a 15 min drive. There is always an excuse. And he will not get a home health aide for while he’s at a hypothetical job. Like he just gets ordered around by her all day.
We've been together since we were 18 but have known each other since we were 10. I work 2 jobs and go to school online. We never go on a date or do anything like that, simple things I don’t want super lavish expensive luxury things. Let’s go somewhere to eat fry new food, visit a new city for the weekend.
We can go on dates but it’ll be interrupted by her calling asking where he’s at etc. We can’t travel together because no one else in his family (he’s the youngest of 7) wants to deal with her. I get they have their own lives. But everythinggggggg with her is dumped on him, they hardly come around. She is a nasty lady. I love him but I’m starting to be resentful. I don’t want this to be my life while I am young now. I know I want and need to leave but I feel bad to leave him in this alone but I can’t. She is not my family I’m sorry, if she acted different maybe but like I said. She belittles and demands from him, verbally abusive , thankless. Thoughts?
I want to have a career, I want to travel!!! I don’t want to put it on hold any long or waste any more years. If this was anyone else I would have left but I know him for so long and his family. Maybe friends instead would be better..
You have only put 3 years into this relationship. You can see he is going nowhere as long as grandmom is alive. You will not be #1. You need to be with someone that comes with no baggage. You are realizing this is not what you want. You are outgrowing this relationship. It happens and thats OK. Go with your gut feelings. They won't steer you wrong.
yes literally he is also content getting like $10 an hour
Here's all I'll say. You're smart. You've good eyes to see what you are looking at.
Adults make their own decisions and adults pay the consequences of those decisions and that's how adults learn.
Some are smart enough to look things in the eye and know when to back away.
Some have to go to tragedy to know it.
Whether you learn the easy-smart way or the tragic way is up to you, and I see you smart enough to make that choice. But this, as an 82 year old who has made some BAD CHOICES early on, I will beg of you. IF you choose to stay with bf? Please don't bring kids into it. Kids suffer so. And I think at the end of your life--where I am now--you may, like me, think that the ways in which you let your kids down were the worst tragedies of your life. Those are the mistakes that, even when understood, one finds hard to forgive oneself.
I wish you the best. I believe you have this. I just beg for good birth control. That's it.
Everything's a learning experience. Just make your prime imperative protecting your future kids.
You will be stuck if you marry this "man" and or have children with him.
He is making his choice. Possibly out of "guilt" but that is his choice to make.
If you are living with him...move out. Even if you have to stay with friends if you don't have family to stay with.
Date him if you like if you want to maintain a relationship with him. But you are very young and have the world in front of you.
Best of luck.
Thanks for responding I know what I need to do… end it
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