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My 88yr old mother's legs went weak catching on to things around the house. She's also saying things that makes no sense, getting names wrong, going to wrong places in the home, etc. This only happened in the last week. What is going on with her? I've made an appointment with her doctor. I'm my parent's care-giver and I'm burnt out. They only want me all the time out of my 5 siblings. I don't speak to 3 of them and they don't do anything, only call for hre once a week. They are saying I'm getting paid for it, so they feel they should leave me to it. They are toxic people and my mother is praising them. I get no thanks. I'm much happier without them, but they know I'm struggling. Both my parents have dementia and I have to deal with it. They aren't bad enough yet to go to nursing home. I'm mentally wrecked even though they have home care coming in for half an hour every day. I gave up my job to care for them as the others wouldn't. I never thought it was going to be this hard.

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Is this the life your parents would want for you? Wrecking your own health, burned out, losing income, struggling to continue this bad plan? My parents wouldn’t have wanted such a life for me. I helped them both, as I could with what was doable without wrecking my health and life. I hope you’ll lose the fury at your siblings and choose a more realistic, healthy path soon
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Mother sounds like she indeed does need a nursing home.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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I am so sorry you are dealing with this! What I do when my mom or dad get very confused, especially suddenly is buy an $11 Urinary Tract Infection test kit to see if they have any infections. If they do, I simply call their Famly Doc to see if he will call in some antibiotics. This isn’t always the answer, but it has been several times for my Dad. Urinary tract infections make the elderly have severe confusion at times depending on how bad it is.

We are in the same situation as I am the only one caring for my parents and it’s taking a toll on my mental state and overall health. My brother whom was living with them passed away and my sister doesn’t care to even call and she lives 8 hours away. I am working on my stress and anger issues due to the situation but it’s slow going as there are things constantly happening with them.

Try to hang in there friend. I’ll say some prayers.
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Reply to TinaMarie27
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Sudden changes like this are an emergency. She might have had a stroke. Those are very similar symptoms to a LO of mine who had a stroke. In fact, she said her "foot was catching" when in reality it was not working. It was numb because of the stroke. She was scrambling words and wandering the house. This was sudden. It was a stroke. I got her to the ER right away and they used medicine to stop the stroke from doing a lot more damage. The next time she had a stroke she was not with me. She was at work and no one understood what was wrong with her so she ended up going more than 4 hours without treatment and drove herself home, which took hours. It really affected her and her recovery took longer and she was impaired from then on.
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Reply to SamTheManager
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You don't seem to have a question for us, which is good, because I certainly don't have an answer if you don't recognize that this is not sustainable, and that now more care is needed than one person can safely give. There now is required more than one shift of people with more than one person on each shift.

I am glad that your mother has an appointment with the doctor. Sudden changes need to be seen right away. They can be the result of anything from a stroke to a UTI to the aging process. While at the doctor I would let the doctor know of your struggle and ask for suggestions to contact a social worker to assess your situation.

The new year is a good time to assess what is working and what is not, and to plan changes.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Get mom to the doctor and tested for a UTI. A sudden decline and confusion like you're seeing can indicate a medical illness or a stroke. If you feel she's declining further, call 911 and tell the EMTs you feel she's had a stroke.

As far as dad goes, when will his dementia be "bad enough" for him to be placed in Skilled Nursing care? When you're dead, God forbid? You're "mentally wrecked" yet still unable to see the urgent need for your parents to be placed in managed care. Nobody thinks caring for elders will be so hard, yet the statistics show that caregivers die before those they care for in a great many instances. Your siblings are preserving their physical and mental health, as well as their jobs and Social Security earnings by refusing to do caregiving. It doesn't mean you are the only option for them. Managed care provides a team of caregivers to help your parents who work 24/7, in shifts, to accomplish what you're trying to do yourself with "carers coming in for half HR every day." I sure hope that's not a half hour ......

Please rethink what you're doing to yourself here. Get mom to the doctor or the ER stat, and then go from there, keeping your own health in mind.

Good luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Mary, you wrote something similar nearly a year ago.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-as-im-caring-for-my-elderly-parents-87-and-88-on-my-own-with-no-help-from-my-family-as-491764.htm

Please do not let yourself spend yet another year in this situation. You matter too. Your siblings have their own lives and you deserve to have your own too. Just because your siblings wouldn't give up their jobs and lives for your parents, doesn't mean you had to, and you don't have to going forward either. There are other solutions. What would your parents have done, and would do now, if you did not exist, or if you lived halfway around the world? They can do that now.
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Reply to MG8522
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