Hello. Me and my brother are caring for our dad that lives in a different state. He almost died, and we were told that he could not go back home without any help. This was a quick decision, based on what the hospital telling us.We took him to stay with us, for several months.My father, has dementia, congestive heart failure, and kidney disease, etc. At first, I was in touch with one of my aunts ;letting her know dad’s progress. I mention to her, that I would only communicate with her. I did not want to keep repeating myself with my dad’s two other siblings. In addition, they want to tell me and my brother what we should do, without offering to help. I finally said something to my aunt, that I don’t like being grilled, when I don’t have the answer to anything yet. She took offense, and stopped talking to me. She started calling my brother, who refer her back to me; if she had questions. I ended up blocking some of dad’s siblings; due to them stressing me out with the phone calls. It does not help, that they put ideas in my dad’s head making him anxious. I would never deny my dad having a relationship with his siblings. However, he is a talker, and let’s them get into his head. Now my dad is better physically where he can go back home with home health in place, along with other resources. I found a wonderful supportive caretaker that I trust will take good care of my dad. I decided to be courteous, and reach out to my aunt to let her know that I am returning dad back home. Her response was I don’t think 4 hours a day of home health is enough for your dad, and that I hope he has a real nurse, and not a nurse aide, or home health. My normal response, would be to blow up at her. Instead, I gave her the thumbs up sign, in the text message. I feel, that I don’t owe her any explanation, when relatives are not offering to help. I did not want to mess up the Medical benefits that my dad has in the state he resides in. It is hard, when people want to assume things, when they are not helping my dad. I spoke with my dad, and told him that I don’t want to engage with his meddling siblings. I said I don’t need a relationship with them. I tried of being stressed. I am just trying not to feel like I am failing in some way. I just needed to vent!
Consult with an eldercare attorney that is well versed with multiple state eldercare laws. If you haven't already Set up POA. The attorney will guide you on what the best actions to take with your father's assets. The cost will be paid for with fathers money and an allowable expense if Medicaid should be needed.
Goodluck
Best of luck to you.
Yes, sometimes you just have to go along with them and then do what you want to. You also don't need tovgive them daily updates.
I am of the belief that a person with dementia should NOT be living alone.
So...I am sorta with your Aunt here that 4 hours a day is not going to be enough.
So much can happen the other 20 hours a day when no one is there.
Now that I have said that....
Do you have POA? Or does your brother?
If not you both may be in for some difficult times.
IF dad is
C cognizant enough, and a lawyer will decide that when talking to him. If the lawyer thinks dad understands what he is signing you or your brother could be made POA for Health and Finances.
IF the lawyer determines that he is not competent enough to know what is going on then your dad will need a Guardian. A bit more involved, a bit more expensive and a bit more time consuming.
As to communicating with his siblings there is a free service called CaringBridge.
(www.caringbridge.org) You can use CaringBridge to communicate with family and friends and CaringBridge is sort of a "go between" for those communications.
And because I have to say this...It might be time that you look into selling dad's house and looking for a facility that will be able to safely care for him 24/7 if 24/7 caregivers in his home is not possible.