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She is regressing. Transfers are hard. Eating is her favorite thing. Wants junk constantly and gets mean when refused. DIABETIC. Will not exercise at home unless I argue through the entire process. Entire day is centered on avoiding exercise and getting as much snack and food as desired. I am exhausted and need a new light. I love this lady and want to do the right thing, but don't know how to accomplish it. Helppppp

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This may sound mean... She is trying to die on her own terms. Or at least thats what it sounds like. Let her do what she needs to do. We can't be inside their mind. We all try to do the best we can until we fall down in exhaustion, and heartbreak. Perhaps we just need to accept that this is their way of letting go. I honestly don;t know, but sometimes I think it's true that people do things like this to allow themselves to simply diel
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Have found a stroke survivor meeting for her to check out. Few weeks away but hoping to get her there so she can be inspired by others who she can relate to. I think sometimes she gets so resentful because we all have our abilities... I'm learning too.
Peace!
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Thanks for the input. I have informed her that if she chooses to not exercise I cannot make her but she will got to her station and remain there for the recommended time that she has been given by her PC. Her husband brought only fruit this week! I told her when she started name calling that I would leave if she continued. I gathered my things, placed them by the door and she stopped! I know this may be a temporary respite but very happy for a small break in the crazy. She has been kicked out of therapy and her pain/neuro doc has dismissed her until her attitude changes. At this point I just pray she sees the light, summer is coming and hopefully the season will help motivate her.
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Stop feeding her. Give her the right good food and tell her she can eat it or not, it's up to her. Do not buy stuff she shouldn't eat. Let her yell - she wants something different, she can get it herself because you're not doing it. If she's abusive, leave the room. For exercise, can you call in an outsider? - a fierce PT if the money's there, but otherwise an energetic neighbour, paid caregiver, doesn't matter who as long as it's *someone else* whose specific reason for being there is to put her through her paces.

It's not a matter of turning into a tyrant and saying your way or the highway. She can have her way if she likes, it's just you're not going to join in. I hope you weren't expecting thanks???
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You might also try the "sweetie, wait a minute routine" which means you say sure you will help her but take your time...my impatient hubby did quite a few things for himself rather than wait for me. And, maybe meds could be adjusted so she was less hungry all the time - some of the newer ones for diabetes will help reduce appetite, but the usual insulin-only routines leave people always craving more carbs.

I suppose you could try insisting that she gets her own snacks and put reasonable compromise versions somewhere she can realistically get to with a reasonable amount of effort.

And...yeah, it sucks big time to watch someone you care about destroy what is left of their health by not moving and not eating right. No two ways about it. If she is starting to get diabetic encephalopathy and/or vascular dementia, her ability to reason and postpone gratification - i.e. do something hard or uncomfortable to achieve a goal she may care about, even one she may care about very much, like living in her own home instead of a facility - may be next to nil.
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RayannKay, time to use some tough love. One question, who is buying the junk and snacks for this lady? Whomever is doing that, they need to stop. The only snacks will now be fresh fruit, and nuts.

Limit the number of transfers, tell her it is too exhausting for you. And anytime she needs something, she needs to learn to help herself.

Learn to start saying to her "Sorry, I can't possibly do that". If she gets upset, walk out of the room. I know it won't be easy, but think of it as being in her best interest.
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You could place her in a Rehabilitation Center for rehab. Or have Short term Care come to her home to help her with Rehab.
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You shouldn't be working harder on her recovery than she is. You shouldn't care more about her recovery than she does. Set some boundaries and if she refuses to do her therapy and insists on eating a bunch of crap all day let her and you walk away.
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You need to state that - "I love you but I will not watch you through your life away" and set some boundaries...If she can't transfer...maybe she needs to be in a NH or rehab where she can develop those skills.
Sounds like there is depression involved. Seek help from PCP and perhaps get counseling lined up. Visiting Nurse services should be available and they can even do blood sugar checks...
Do not stay solo on this...you and she need more help!
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